Insult to Injury
by Kitesvara
Summary: Sanzo and Goku are starting to see one another as more than guardian and fosterling. Dougan, Sanzo’s attendant, is becoming resentful of their developing friendship and determines to put an end to it. Yaoi. AU
1. Chapter 1

Saiyuki belongs to Minekura Kazuya, not to me.

Thankyou, again, Kelly, for your wonderful beta!

**Insult to Injury  
**

Goku was enjoying this so much and Sanzo seemed to be having fun as well! Sure, Goku was pulling his blows and was slowing down his attacks, but Sanzo was good, for a human, he was quite exceptional. And best of all, Goku had his whole, undivided attention. Sanzo was watching every move he made and was taking him very seriously indeed, treating him as a dangerous opponent, worthy of his respect. Those beautiful, violet eyes gazed into his, trying to read his intentions. Sanzo's movements were graceful, sinuous, practiced until they were perfect. Goku would have been happy to watch him all day. Of course, Goku was showing off, too! He considered that this was the one thing he did really well and he needed to prove to Sanzo that he could protect him from any bandit or monster that he might encounter on any of his missions on behalf of the Sanbutsushin. He didn't want to be away from Sanzo again, not even for a single night and having a super-competent bodyguard around was always a good thing, right?

Sanzo watched Goku like a hawk. The monkey was so fast that Sanzo was certain that if he took his eyes off him, Goku would have him bowled over on the turf in two seconds flat. He didn't need to worry about being hurt, of course. The monkey child would never do that, not even in an excess of high spirits. For reasons understood only by that little simian brain, Goku loved him beyond all reason and would never harm him. The thought actually made Sanzo a little warm in his lonely, chilly heart. It was nice to have someone around who'd put up with his moods, his manners, his outbursts, his 'issues' and, by some miracle, love him anyway. Sanzo was in no position to change, not yet, but if Goku was prepared to stick around he might slowly begin to thaw. It would take time and trust but it was just possible. His momentary preoccupation gave Goku the opening he needed and he found himself flat on his back with Goku sitting on him grinning down at him like a maniac. He struggled, mindful of his dignity but Goku had him pinned at the wrists and Sanzo found he was reluctant to break his hold. Goku meant it and was gazing down at him with those glorious golden eyes and the warmth in Sanzo's heart was growing and starting to send out pleasant little tendrils. Goku's eyes shimmered for a moment and Sanzo realized that Goku was about to kiss him. He wasn't sure how he felt about that but he didn't move…

Dougan watched Sanzo sparring with Goku with despair in his heart. He wondered if the kid realized what an honor it was to have tempted his Master into the practice ring. Sanzo hadn't sparred since Koumyou Sanzo's death and here he was practicing hand to hand with Goku. Dougan sighed as he watched. He knew Goku was good and realized that he should be impressed at his strength and skill but he couldn't tear his eyes from the Master. He'd never actually seen Master Sanzo out of his robes but now he was wearing a flimsy cotton tank top that was showing a great deal of glowing, ivory skin. A pair of light, muslin trousers with a drawstring waist riding low on his hips and his slender, high arched feet were bare on the soft grass. His eyes were glowing with sunlight and exercise and the wind ruffled his golden hair. Dougan felt something hot and hungry clawing somewhere deep inside him. He bit his lip until he could taste blood. Then Goku flung himself, laughing, at the taller youth, overbalancing him and sending him sprawling gracefully onto the grass with Goku straddling his waist. The boy laughed and Sanzo looked back at him with mock sternness. Dougan felt the clawing thing inside him stir again, stretching and flexing its talons. Sanzo tried to sit up and shove Goku off but just this once Goku wasn't going to be obliging. He caught Sanzo by the wrists and pinned them. Sanzo struggled, then stilled as it became obvious that Goku wasn't going to let him up and that further struggle was pointless. Or perhaps he was enjoying it and had no desire to move. Dougan found himself trembling with anger that Goku would show Master Sanzo so little respect and went stalking out of the shade and into the sunshine towards them.

"Hello Dougan!" called Goku, friendly to a fault. Dougan didn't answer but strode over to him, grabbed him by the scruff of his neck and dragged him off Sanzo.

"How dare you treat Master Sanzo like that? Have you no respect for your betters?

"And just what the ifuck/i do you think you're doing, Dougan? Leave Goku alone. I'm quite capable of tossing him off myself if he annoys me. I don't need you to guard my dignity!" Sanzo snarled.

"I was only concerned for your safety, Master Sanzo. We all know that demons can be unpredictable and prone to violence…" Dougan replied primly.

"And you think I'm weak and can't defend myself? You're the one being disrespectful, not Goku." He looked at Dougan through narrowed eyes. Dougan paled. However much he loved his Master, he was not an easy man. He was sharp, clever and didn't suffer fools gladly, or indeed, at all.

"I didn't mean that at all, Master, just that Goku isn't like the rest of us. He's not human, not dedicated to the temple and not one of the novices. _Not one of us_…" Dougan hissed.

Sanzo stood and looked down at Dougan. Goku hitched himself over to Sanzo's side, sitting at his feet, his hand clenched in the hem of Sanzo's trousers. Sanzo rested his hand on Goku's head reassuringly and the monkey gazed up at him with wide, trusting, golden eyes. _So unselfconscious,_ thought Dougan, _and so seductive_.

"Goku is under my personal protection for as long as he needs it or chooses to claim it. The rest is none of your concern. Mind your own business!" He tugged gently on Goku's ponytail. "You ready to get back to work, Saru?" His hard eyes softened slightly as they rested on the monkey. Goku nodded enthusiastically, smiling and Dougan felt crushed. His Master had simply dismissed him. He knew he couldn't afford to feel resentment towards Sanzo but Goku was a different matter. His sense of ill usage was considerable and it all focused on Goku but he knew he couldn't be openly hostile to the boy. Sanzo might get angry with Goku but he wouldn't permit anyone else to punish him or even guide him. It was as if he wanted to be the only influence on the creature, the only one Goku depended on. The monkey was a good natured creature, totally without malice but he was very high spirited, chaotic and undisciplined. Some of the monks treasured his sweet nature and forgave the chaos he created but most did not. Dougan frequently found himself wanting to wring the boy's neck. How could Master Sanzo really prefer the company of that brat to his own? Dougan tried hard, he excelled in his studies, he was intelligent, obedient, and loyal and while not in the top rank of martial artists his skills were by no means contemptible. Dougan knew that he had far more in common with Master Sanzo than any uncouth youkai child and would be a far more acceptable companion.

Then he wondered why his Master kept such strange company generally. There was the man who had once been Cho Gonou, but was now called Hakkai. He didn't seem dangerous now, in fact Dougan quite liked him, but there was no denying that he was a murderer. Then there was Sha Gojyo, who was nothing more than a gambler and petty criminal, if rumors were to be believed and there were even darker rumors about his past, to say nothing of his sexual proclivities. Filthy. He was a bringer of misfortune, with his red hair and red eyes and yet the Master tolerated his presence, even asked for his help on occasion. Why did the great Genjyo Sanzo have such a taste for lowlifes?

And last, but definitely not least, was Goku. The boy was a heretic! He was spiritually and ritually unclean. His very presence was dangerous to Master Sanzo's purity and spiritual attainment and he could only bring bad luck and chaos and yet he was Master Sanzo's constant companion. He lived in Master Sanzo's rooms and it was whispered that maybe Goku even warmed his bed. Not that Dougan believed that! Yet, there was no doubt that Goku was a pretty child, in a common, animal kind of way. Cute and affectionate, like a puppy. But puppies grow up into dogs and lose their cuteness and what then? Would Master Sanzo cast him out when he was no longer so attractive and amusing? Or was he _waiting_ for Goku to grow up? Dougan found that thought even more disturbing. Some of the monks did take some of the younger, prettier boys as attendants and bed warmers but if Sanzo had some kind of affection for Goku and was actually waiting until Goku was older then he had more in mind than the odd tumble on a cold night. He glanced at them, still sparring, through the window. There was an ebb and flow between them, a sense of connection that even Dougan could see. Sanzo would draw Goku towards him and Goku would respond without a thought, as if pulled on a string. The most natural thing in the world. Then Goku would fall back and Sanzo would respond. Then, suddenly, it looked less like a sparring match and more like some kind of acrobatic dance, dangerous and sensual, yet graceful and controlled.

They were acquiring an audience; people are gathering to watch, murmuring and whispering to one another. The Master and the monkey seemed oblivious, focused only on one another, looking for an opening, leaping and feinting, striking and dodging. Oh Sanzo was good, very, very good, but Goku far outstripped him and it was obvious that the boy was playing and that if this had been a real fight Sanzo would have been defeated a dozen times over. Eventually Sanzo cheated. He gave Goku a rare smile and the monkey stopped mid-stride, wide-eyed.

"Well, Saru, are you hungry yet? Want lunch?"

"Yay, lunch!" Replied Goku enthusiastically, bouncing happily. And with that, to everybody's surprise, Sanzo swooped on the kid, tucked him under his arm and carried him inside, with sublime and total disregard to the small crowd watching them.

Dougan had to bite his lip in order to keep silent as Sanzo swept past him without so much as a glance. To make it worse, Goku waved to him. What right had the brat to be magnanimous?

Somehow that just added insult to injury.


	2. Chapter 2

Saiyuki Belongs to Minekura Kazuya.

Thanks for the beta, Kelly!

Chapter 2: What You Are

Sanzo lay wrapped in his quilt, listening to the sound of the night outside his window. The warmth he'd noticed in his heart that morning was growing as he lay listening to Goku breathing on his little futon in the corner. Sanzo hadn't felt this relaxed, this content, since Koumyou's death. Goku's breath was keeping him grounded and his mind was calm and crystal clear. He felt as if the answer he'd been searching for all his life was somehow hidden behind that gentle sound, just a heartbeat away. He sank into a meditative state, trying to grasp it. He found Goku instead, although Sanzo would never be sure how. It was as if they had somehow gravitated together and Sanzo's touch had woken Goku's sleeping mind. The monkey child turned towards him, embracing him. Was he dreaming? He wasn't sure, but Goku's warmth felt so good that he wanted to get closer. Goku turned and looked at him and the expression in his eyes was anything but childish, it was warm, loving and wise. Yes, Sanzo knew he was asleep. He had never seen that expression in Goku's eyes while he was awake. Sanzo felt himself smile and watched Goku respond.

"I'm here for you. I won't always be a kid…" He heard Goku whisper as he drifted off into deeper sleep.

"Why do you keep doing it?" Dougan asked Goku "He's so important and he shows you so much attention but you treat him so disrespectfully!"

"What d'you mean, "disrespectfully"? He's my friend and I love him…"

"That's exactly it! You treat him like he's your friend when he's your _master_ and so far above you that you can't even comprehend it! You're an unclean, heretic, youkai foundling, and he's one of the holiest, most powerful priests in all of China. You're not even fit to touch the hem of his robe and yet you presume to treat him as your friend! I can't even make you see how inappropriate it is! You think that because he brought you here you have some kind of relationship with him. That he actually cares for you…" Goku looked at him, stunned, with wide eyes and a pale, pale face.

"You mean…" Goku began.

"I mean, you're being presumptuous and you need to stop bothering him. He has more important things to do than waste time with you. I'm not saying this to hurt you, Goku, but so that you know your position. You aren't even his official attendant. I am. You're more like his pet or his slave." Dougan finished, gently. If he was rough Goku would be obviously upset and Sanzo would want to know why, if he was gentle Goku would be shamed and slink away, leaving the field clear for Dougan to claim his rightful place at Sanzo's side. Goku's honey-colored eyes filled with tears and he dashed them away quickly on his sleeve. Dougan gazed at him with mock sympathy. He looked so beautiful and so pathetic that Dougan hated him with a passion. "Your presence compromises his purity and you're sure to bring him bad luck…" he added, for good measure.

Goku said nothing. He just stared at his feet, tears running down his face. Then he got up and walked off without another word. He felt as if the world was falling down around his ears. Dougan was right. If Sanzo was everything Dougan said he was then Goku _was_ being presumptuous. He should keep his distance; let Sanzo get on with whatever it was that Goku was keeping him away from. Maybe he should go. If he was actually dangerous to Sanzo then he should certainly go. Dougan had implied that his impurity, his heresy was a threat to Sanzo's well being. He wandered towards Sanzo's chamber without realizing where he was going.

Sanzo was finishing up the week's paperwork and looked up as Goku walked in. The monkey didn't seem to be his usual cheerful, playful, infuriating self at all. Worse still, although he was valiantly trying to hide it, the boy had obviously been crying. His eyes were red, his lashes wet and his face tearstained.

"What's the matter, Saru?" He asked with unaccustomed gentleness.

"Sanzo, am I some kind of threat to you?" He burst out "I'm an itan. Does that somehow make me dangerous?"

"It's not catching, idiot! You can't hurt me just by being what you are. It's what you do that matters, not whether or not you fit into the 'appropriate' category. Who's been telling you this crap?" Sanzo turned his full attention to Goku and the boy moved closer, eyes wide and apprehensive.

"Is it alright that I treat you like I do? I don't know the proper way to behave around you. I don't mean to be disrespectful, I just don't understand…"

Sanzo was alarmed now and realized exactly how much he valued the monkey's honest affection for him, the way he spoke his mind entirely without reflection or editing. He knew he accepted Goku's regard with very bad grace, but he _did_ value it. He remembered the sparring match the day before and how much he'd enjoyed the saru's high spirited play. The monkey had also given him one hell of a match and forced him to work very hard just to be able to stand against him. Sanzo really appreciated that, along with the good natured way he'd protected Sanzo's pride by not thrashing him! He was like a breath of fresh air and Sanzo realized how much he needed that. He remembered the dream he'd had last night and wondered what manner of man this child would become. He wanted to know Goku then, to look into the golden eyes and see wisdom there. He drew a deep breath. He couldn't put Goku off, not this time. He would have to speak plainly because he couldn't risk being misunderstood.

"Goku, around here nobody actually treats me honestly except you. I'm surrounded by hypocrites and sycophants, some of whom would just as soon be rid of me. The only people who tell me the truth are you, Gojyo and Hakkai. Saru, you are a fresh, clean breeze in this dusty room and I'm not going to have anyone tell you not to be who you are. Do you understand?"

"I…I think so, Sanzo." His voice shook just a little. He still looked so lost that Sanzo couldn't resist reaching for him and folding him close against his chest. Goku sobbed a little as he flung his arms about Sanzo's neck.

"This was Dougan's doing, wasn't it?" Goku nodded. "You know what this is really all about, don't you?" Sanzo paused and Goku looked at him, his eyes wide and liquid. The boy really was too lovely for his own good. Sanzo would have to be on his guard in order to protect him. This was just the beginning. "Dougan was officially assigned as my attendant and he fancies himself as my pupil and my successor. You're in his way so he's trying to get rid of you. But the Sanbutsushin gave you into my care and in my care you stay. Nothing changes that. What Dougan wants is immaterial; you stay here, with me."

"He has a crush on you." said Goku in a small voice. "That's another reason why he wants me out of the way."

"Then he's even more of a fool than I took him for." Sanzo replied harshly. He hadn't realized that. Trust Goku to notice. The monkey's thought processes were different to a human's but he was far from stupid. Sanzo had just thought that Dougan was ambitious and because of that would have been the last person he would have chosen as his pupil. This made things more complicated. If Dougan was infatuated with him it had to be nipped in the bud before it became even more bothersome. He didn't want Goku getting caught in the crossfire again. It was about more that the Sanbutsushin's directive now. He had to admit to himself that he _wanted _Goku with him, needed his unaffected honesty and his honest affection. This place would drive him mad otherwise. Where this would lead Sanzo had no idea but his mind was made up. Goku belonged with him. To his surprise Goku pressed his lips to his forehead.

"Thank you. I was really scared that I'd somehow hurt you if I stayed here. I understand what's going on now. You _do_ want me here?"

"Yes," replied Sanzo and then looked fiercely at the monkey "but if you go crowing it around the place I shall deny it and beat you!" He tried not to smile but Goku wasn't deceived. He grinned sunnily and flung his arms about his guardian, happy and confident once more. Goku was so easy to please. Sanzo tousled his hair and stood up.

"I really think I need to have this matter out with Dougan…" He said grimly. Then there was a knock at the door.

"It's me, Master. I thought you might like some tea…" Dougan's voice.

"Ah, the very person I wanted to see." Sanzo replied. Dougan came in carrying a little tray with a teapot and a cup. He set the tray down and began to pour the tea. Goku retired quietly to the window. Sanzo sat at his desk.

"What's this I hear about you giving Goku a hard time?"

"What do you mean, Master?" replied Dougan, his tone light.

"Don't simper at me!" Sanzo's voice was hard and Dougan realized that he was in serious trouble. Stupid monkey couldn't keep his mouth shut!

"Master, I'm not. I don't know where you heard this but I assure you it's not true."

"Do you think I'm stupid?" Sanzo thundered. "After your behavior yesterday it was obvious what had happened the moment Goku walked in here. What the Hell do you think you're doing? Did you really think he'd consider leaving without talking to me first? That was obviously what you wanted: to shame and frighten him away." Sanzo leaned forward, pinning the boy with his fierce, violet eyes, like a butterfly to a collecting board. "Did you think I'd just allow him to leave and let you to take his place? You are blinded by your ambition and have shown yourself for what you are. I'll tell you a secret. The scripture always goes to someone who neither desires it, nor expects it. It chooses and it didn't choose you."

Dougan was stung by Sanzo's contempt and unwisely answered back. "Did it choose him?" He flung out his arm, pointing to Goku, sitting quietly by the window. "Or did _you _choose him?"

"Better him than you, who're already corrupted by ambition and envy." Sanzo flashed back.

"He's a youkai! He's dangerous, Master. You're bewitched by his magic. I could never forgive myself if I didn't warn you! How can you doubt the danger after what happened to Koumyou Sanzo?" Sanzo turned on him, incredulous for a moment, then blazing with fury.

"You little shit!" Sanzo hissed, violet eyes narrowed and dangerous. "You're using that to manipulate me? Get the fuck out of my sight!" His whole body spoke of suppressed violence. Dougan realized that he'd seriously miscalculated and fled.

Sanzo sat back down in his ornately carved chair, breathing hard, eyes blazing and his jaw set. Goku approached him, picked up the still-steaming teacup and handed it to him.

"Thank you, Sanzo…I'm sorry…" Goku said quietly, all amber eyes and floppy hair.

"You've nothing to be sorry for." Sanzo replied, a little shortly. "You weren't responsible for his behavior. He shouldn't have mentioned Koumyou, though. Especially not to suggest that you might do the same thing to me." He sipped the tea and drew a deep breath.

"I'm glad -you know I'd never hurt you, Sanzo." replied Goku.

"I know, Goku…" He managed a half smile. He wasn't so sure about the Seiten Taisei, but he had complete faith in Goku.

Dougan ran down the passage and turned twice, seeking a quiet place to think. This was so much worse than he'd believed. That demon really had his claws into the Master, and the Master had no idea, none at all. He hadn't even dismissed the idea of training the creature as his successor! And his reaction to Dougan's helpful, well meant warning… He was surely under some deep, powerful and seductive enchantment. Dougan could think of no other reason why Master Sanzo, _his _Master Sanzo, would speak to him that way! He had to break the demon's hold over his Master. He would study hard, read everything he could find, practice and he would break the enchantment and free Sanzo. That would prove his worth and his Master would love him out of gratitude, take him as his student and maybe even as his lover. Dougan gave himself up to ecstatic imaginings.

Sanzo wasn't sure if he was awake, or asleep and dreaming he was awake. He was lying curled up in his quilt when he heard Goku stir in the bed in the corner, throw back his covers and pad across the floor towards him. He was aware of Goku standing over his bed, watching him. Then Goku slid under the quilt and snuggled into his arms. It felt really good, and more than that, it felt _right_. Not now, but someday. He looked down into Goku's eyes, reading love and wisdom there. Yes, he was asleep and yet he was still seeing the truth. His truth.


	3. Chapter 3

Saiyuki Belongs to Minekura Kazuya.

Thankyou for the beta, Kelly!

Chapter 3: Kanzeon's Peaches

Goku sat at his ease in the sacred peach tree, eating happily and thinking rather more deeply than usual. He was feeling sorry for Dougan. Sanzo had been rough with him yesterday and while he was grateful, he couldn't help feeling sad for the boy. Dougan had a crush on Sanzo. It was obvious, and Goku was also beginning to think he had a crush on Sanzo himself. He really liked being with Sanzo, liked being close to him, liked it when he could help or protect him. He felt warm and proud when Sanzo looked at him with approval and loved it when Sanzo sparred with him. Better yet, on very cold nights or when it snowed and he knew Goku was frightened, he allowed the boy to sleep in his bed and being warm, relaxed and close to Sanzo was the best thing ever! Even better than Kanzeon's peaches! So he could understand Dougan's feelings. He didn't see that there was anything he could do about it, though, nothing he could do to make the boy feel better. There was no way after that clumsy attempt at manipulation that Sanzo was ever going to let Dougan near him again and sorry as he was for him, Goku felt that was a good thing. You just didn't mess around with a person's feelings that way.

He was very relieved that Dougan's attempt to scare him away was a lie, as well. He didn't want to leave, but if there was any chance that he was a threat to Sanzo he would have gone, regardless of how much he wanted to stay. That thought made him very sad indeed. He couldn't imagine being without Sanzo and he didn't want to try. Sanzo came across as being harsh and often unkind, but Goku knew that whatever he _said_, his behavior told a different story. He might shout, complain, huff and lay about him with the fan but he never let Goku down. He was always there when Goku needed him. If Goku was hungry, Sanzo would see he had food, if he was being bullied, Sanzo would knock the bullies' heads together, if he needed reassurance he knew that he would get it in Sanzo's trademark gruff, offhand way. And then there were those cold, snowy nights, when he could burrow against Sanzo's chest and feel his arms about him. He could feel a connection with his guardian, something drawn from his heart, tender and occasionally painful, but precious, too, and he was pretty sure Sanzo could feel it as well. He wasn't sure what it meant but it made him happy, it was something he shared with Sanzo that nobody else would understand. He'd felt it the moment he'd first seen him, as if they'd met before and been important to one another. Goku smiled and bit into another peach. He was pretty, too, _really_ pretty. No wonder Dougan liked to watch him. Goku did, too. Especially when they were sparring. All that lovely, pearly skin, damp with sweat, blond hair wild and ruffled by the breeze. Who _wouldn't_ want to look at him? There had even been a moment the other day while they were sparring when Goku had knocked him over and Sanzo had looked up at him, eyes bright and lips parted and Goku could have sworn that he'd actually surrendered. Goku had _really_ wanted to kiss him at that moment and he fancied that Sanzo would have permitted it had Dougan not intervened. That was _why_ Dougan had intervened. He'd seen it too, and wanted to make sure it didn't happen.

Goku swung one leg below the branch and wriggled his bare toes, smiling happily to himself. Sanzo hadn't told him off for kissing his forehead last night, either. He'd said some very reassuring things, as well. He'd said that Goku gave him things that mattered, that he couldn't get anywhere else, honesty and a nature untainted by sycophancy or hypocrisy.

"Oi! Monkey!" Sanzo was standing at the foot of the tree, dressed in ordinary jeans and a tee-shirt, a small backpack slung over his shoulder. "Want to go for a picnic, in the forest, down by the river?"

"Sure! That'd be great!" Replied Goku, picking two more peaches and leaping the fifteen feet or so to the ground with all the grace you'd expect from a monkey. He grinned at Sanzo as he stowed the peaches in the pack. Sanzo rolled his eyes and they set out across the garden, towards the forest.

I had felt good to be rid of the robes and the coronet and just be a normal nineteen year old on an outing with his friend. He smiled as Goku ran ahead and then returned to his side carrying some small treasure he'd picked up. A few minutes ago he'd picked a bright red hibiscus blossom, which he'd brought back to Sanzo and tucked behind the priest's ear. The river was particularly beautiful today. It sparkled blue and silver and was lined with huge, lush willow trees that cast cool, dappled shade across their path. Goku gamboled happily down the path ahead of him, looking for flowers and berries in the undergrowth. The trees thickened into forest and Goku left the path and took to the trees, running along the branches and jumping between trees. Sanzo watched him with a strange sense of peace. Watching Goku's pleasure in his freedom always gave Sanzo a sense of achievement. That pleasant warmth had taken up residence in his chest, again, and life seemed good.

"There's a clearing up ahead, Sanzo, right down by the river. We could eat there." called Goku.

"Which way?" replied Sanzo.

"You can't see it from the path; you just need to push through the thicket on your right." Sanzo left the path and found himself in a small, grassy clearing that ran down to the river. Cicadas sang in the afternoon sunshine and the river murmured soothingly. Goku dropped from the trees next to him.

"I like it here," said the monkey "It's so pretty and quiet."

"It is." replied Sanzo, with a smile. "Are you hungry, Saru?"

"Yeah!" Goku replied with a grin. Sanzo pulled a blanket out from his pack and spread it over the grass. Goku flung himself down on it and gazed up at Sanzo happily. Sanzo tossed him a mandarin orange and then reached into the pack for bread, cheese, fruit juice, apples, bananas, a pot of honey and, of course, those perfect, stolen peaches. Goku stretched, arching his back, arms fully extended above his head and fingers curled against his palms. Then he relaxed and turned to Sanzo, his golden eyes glowing happily.

"Better today?" asked Sanzo.

Goku smiled and nodded. "I'm fine, no repercussions?"

"Not so far, but I'm expecting some. Dougan will up the ante but it doesn't matter. There's really nothing he can do. The Sanbutsushin call the shots, not an arrogant little shit who wants his own way." Sanzo leaned on his elbow, watching Goku, his face impassive but relaxed. Goku reached for a peach, tore it in half and handed half to Sanzo. It smelt sweet and fresh and Goku's eyes, as he handed it to Sanzo were beyond beautiful. They glowed with light, life and love and that warmth in Sanzo's heart was growing again. Goku smiled.

Dougan was horrified! Master Sanzo and the demon had actually gone off alone into the forest. He was seriously worried for his Master's safety. Having seen the two of them sparring Dougan had no doubt that Goku could kill Master Sanzo without even breaking a sweat and if the Master was off guard…Dougan didn't even want to think about it. His responsibility was clear; he would follow them and protect his Master to the best of his ability. Fortunately for him the wind was in the right quarter or Goku would have picked up his scent in a moment. He trailed after them, keeping away from the path and staying carefully downwind. They were behaving like two close friends out for a picnic, Sanzo on the ground and the demon in the trees above his head. Obviously Goku knew where he wanted to go and suggested a secluded place, hidden from the path by a natural hedge. Dougan found that sinister and took the long way around and hid in the undergrowth watching them. Both seemed to be completely at their ease and content in one another's company and Dougan had to remind himself that his Master was under an evil spell and the demon boy at his side meant to harm him. Goku split a peach and handed half to Sanzo as they talked and Sanzo actually smiled! Really smiled, not a smirk, not a sneer, but a truly beautiful smile! Dougan, who'd never seen Sanzo smile before was consumed with jealousy. Why did he only smile at the demon? Why wouldn't he smile that way at _him_? Sanzo reached for the loaf, tore off a large piece and handed it to the kid. Goku grinned and reached for the honey pot and a butter knife. Dougan held his breath, half expecting the demon to bury it in Sanzo's chest, but, of course, he didn't. Now he thought about it Sanzo was far more use to the creature alive. Heaven only knew how much he influenced the Master, how he managed to maneuver Sanzo into doing what he wanted. Was he even the child he seemed, or was that some kind of illusion designed to allow people to underestimate him? He certainly seemed to have the Master at his ease, Sanzo was wiping a smear of honey from the end of Goku's nose and Goku was watching him with huge, adoring amber eyes. Sanzo gently flicked the end of Goku's nose with one slender finger. Goku wrinkled his nose and giggled.

Sanzo was trying to figure it out. If Goku was a couple of years older Sanzo would have been sure he was being skillfully and tactfully courted by a friend who knew him well and cared very deeply for him. He put aside the question of why anyone who knew him well would care deeply enough to _want_ to court him and wondered if Goku was growing up more quickly than he was giving him credit for. It wasn't as if Goku's behavior had actually changed. He'd always been like this, affectionate, open and demonstrative but what could be seen as gratitude, simple affection and hero worship in a child took on a different complexion in a youth. And Sanzo was a human being, not an ivory statue; he wasn't by any means immune to the charm of those topaz eyes, that bright, sweet smile or that sunny disposition, so different to his own darker, more cynical spirit. Nor was he immune to the obvious affection that Goku showered on him every waking moment. The flowers left on his desk and never mentioned, the sweets he often found on his pillow at night, the late night cups of tea when Goku knew he was working late and the warmth of Goku's body against own his on those cold, snowy nights during winter. These kinds of things, while small on their own, spoke of something that ran quite deep when taken as part of a larger picture, especially in someone who wasn't quite the child he had been a year or two ago. And then there were the dreams, dreams that seemed to suggest a different kind of connection between them, something deeper, more spiritual than simple friendship or even love, a sense of belonging that went far beyond enjoying one another's company. There was a sense of déjà vu about it that puzzled Sanzo. He put the thought aside and watched with secret enjoyment as the monkey carefully dissected and ate his mandarin.

"Hey, Sanzo, will you come in swimming with me? The river looks great!" Goku was right, the river did look great and the water should be warm and pleasant at this time of year.

"OK, but only when you've digested your meal. I don't want you getting cramps and having to rescue you." Sanzo looked at him with what he hoped was guardianly sternness. Sanzo knew he didn't really need to worry; Goku swam like a sleek little fish. Splashing around with him would be fun, as would be finding a convenient rock on which to sun himself.

This was better than good! Sanzo would actually swim with him. They could play in the water and splash each other and play tag! Goku rolled over onto his back and watched the beautiful, dappled light falling through the leaves above them. Sanzo sat next to him, munching a piece of bread and honey, then, a little to Goku's surprise, he lay down at right angles to him and laid his head on Goku's stomach. It was an affectionate, intimate gesture and Goku felt really happy that Sanzo felt relaxed enough to do it. After that he hardly dared breathe for fear of spooking Sanzo and scaring him away. So he just lay quietly and pretended he hadn't noticed.

It was Sanzo who moved first, sitting up and stripping off his tee shirt and kicking off his jeans and sandals. Then he turned and ran, diving shallowly into the sparkling blue river with Goku on his heels. Sanzo surfaced some distance out, chest deep in water and Goku went after him like a diminutive torpedo, knocking him over with a loud splash. Sanzo came to the surface spluttering, picked the boy up bodily and tossed him over backwards. Goku sprang from his hands, somersaulted and hit the water laughing.

Dougan watched astonished. Did the Master really intend to strip off and swim with that little demon stark naked? Obviously he did and Dougan watched breathlessly as Sanzo bared himself to Dougan's startled, horrified, admiring gaze. He was so beautiful; tall and straight of bone, powerful of muscle, with the spare, angular frame of an ascetic and the pale skin and hair so unusual among his countrymen. His frame was still softened by youth but adult, all the same. Just gorgeous! He was covered with scars, though, and Dougan wondered how he'd got them and wished that he'd been there to nurse him when he'd received them, soothing him with his devotion and easing his pain with his gentleness. For a moment or two he lost himself in pleasant daydreams in which he'd won his Master's heart with his skillful nursing. Then he noticed that Goku was also stripping off. And this was painful, for the demon was just as beautiful unclad as the Master was and Dougan was certain that he'd compare badly. The monkey was small but wiry, muscular and beautifully proportioned. His long auburn hair streamed after him as he raced Sanzo to the river. Sanzo beat him to it but Goku was close behind, colliding with the Master and sending them both crashing and splashing into the glittering water. Sanzo regained his feet, picked the monkey up and sent the boy toppling, laughing back into the water. Dougan burned with jealousy. What right had that thrice-damned demon to play in that carefree, intimate way with Sanzo when Dougan had to hide here and watch, like some voyeur or spy? That was his rightful place and Goku had stolen it!

They played, raced and roughhoused for nearly an hour before Sanzo called a halt. Goku continued to play in the water but Sanzo found himself a big, flat rock on the riverbank and stretched out, sunning himself like a huge, sleepy lizard. Even sprawled prone on a piece of granite he managed to look graceful and elegant. Dougan realized that while it looked as if Goku was playing, he was, in fact, keeping watch, ready to protect the now-sleeping Sanzo if it should become necessary. It was at that moment that the wind changed direction and carried Dougan's scent to the demon. Goku was instantly alert and leapt from the water and onto Sanzo's rock. He touched Sanzo's naked shoulder and whispered in his ear as he stirred. Sanzo slithered quickly into a sitting position and then he was on his feet.

"Dougan?" He called "Get the Hell out here! What the fuck do you think you're doing? Spying on us?" He stood with his arms crossed over his chest, not trying to hide his nakedness but standing foursquare. He had nothing to be ashamed of and nothing to hide. Goku crouched at his feet; he was no longer Sanzo's friend and playmate but his watchful servant and bodyguard, prepared to defend him from anything that might threaten him. His warm, honey-colored eyes watched Dougan with compassion and Dougan hated him for it. He was passionately interested in Sanzo and to find that his rival didn't even consider him worthy of jealousy, anger and hatred, but only pity, humiliated him and filled him with rage. As he left the cover of the undergrowth to face Sanzo he would cheerfully have stuck a knife between Goku's ribs.

Somehow Sanzo managed to look even more intimidating stark naked than he was robed and crowned and Dougan trembled with both fear and something he was too inexperienced to recognize as desire. Sanzo stood on his rock and towered over him, power and anger seemed to crackle from his eyes and Dougan was convinced that he'd never seen anything more beautiful or more terrifying. He looked like some bodhisattva in a frightening aspect. He truly wanted to throw himself at Sanzo's feet, beg his pardon in the most abject tones and worship him as if he was a god. But he couldn't speak and he couldn't move a muscle.

"What have you to say for yourself or should I just put you down as a pervert and treat you accordingly?" Sanzo's voice lashed out like a whip, his voice full of cold fury and complete contempt.

Dougan groped for words. "I was only concerned for your safety, Master. You were alone out here with Son Goku, who is a youkai and therefore dangerous. I thought only to protect you from harm."

"I told you that I never wanted to see your face again. You disobeyed my direct order and you seek to blame Goku for your misdeed."

"Master, you were completely vulnerable. You even swam naked with him. If he had chosen to attack you…"

Sanzo looked for a moment as if he was going to leap down from his rock and throttle Dougan but then he felt Goku's small, strong fingers wrap around his ankle and thought better of it.

"Goku's not likely to attack me. But if you don't get the fuck out of my sight _I_ may well attack _you_." Sanzo snarled. Then things got complicated.

Dougan lunged at Goku. "You're responsible for this, you little monster! Release my Master from your spell!" he made a grab for the Goku but his fingers slipped on the youkai's wet skin as he dodged.

"What spell? Even if I could, I wouldn't cast a spell on Sanzo. What would be the point?" He slipped between Sanzo and Dougan, neither pet, nor servant, now, but a bodyguard who meant business. He took up a defensive stance, waiting for Dougan to attack again. Even unarmed and naked he was deadly but Dougan was too angry to care. He flung himself at Goku, who blocked and grappled with him, being careful not to hurt him.

"What do you want me to do with him, Sanzo?" Goku asked.

"Let me go, you filthy, perverted monkey. You've seduced the Master with your evil magic and the whole Temple's going to know about it unless you leave!" Goku blinked, having no idea what Dougan was talking about.

"Idiocy! Publish and be damned, Dougan. It's not true and nobody will believe it. You'll be the one disgraced."

"What're you talking about? I've not done anything to Sanzo." Said Goku, genuinely puzzled.

"I bet he really rues the day he dug you up from under that rock. You might control his body, even his feelings but I'll bet his spirit's still his own and that it can see what you're doing and hates you for it!" Dougan hissed at him with loathing.

"Sanzo, what the heck is he on about? He's not making any sense…"

Sanzo sighed, obviously wishing he had a cigarette about his person. He decided the only honest way to deal with this was to explain to Goku in words of one syllable. "He's suffering from delusions, Goku. He thinks that he has a right to be my student and successor. He also things he has some kind of sexual entitlement to me, although how he came to that conclusion I have no idea. He's also under the impression that you and I are lovers and that you've brought that about by some kind of black magic because he's so stupid and racist that he can't see why I'd possibly take that kind of interest in you without skullduggery on your part."

It took Goku some moments to pick his jaw up. "Wow!" He said, finally "that's some imagination you've got there, Dougan!" Then he looked up at Sanzo and realized that, yes, someday he really _would_ like Sanzo for his lover but it would have to be when Goku was old enough and wise enough to be an appropriate companion and friend, with equality between them, rather than this guardian/fosterling relationship. Until then, he'd be thankful for what they shared.

Sanzo didn't miss Goku's glance and had no trouble interpreting its meaning. Goku was completely transparent. It was one of the things Sanzo liked about him. No games, no subterfuge, no lies. Sanzo was no pederast. There was no way he'd even think about this while Goku was so young. Not a chance. In a few years- well the situation could be re-assessed if Goku was still interested. Such relationships were very common among the priesthood and were usually ignored, or even winked at, as long as the participants were reasonably discrete. But a relationship between the highest ranking priest in the land and a youkai youth? That _would_ cause a scandal! Goku would have to be old enough and wise enough to realize the full implications as to what it would mean and _truly_ want it. Then there would be matters to do with the taboo…No Sanzo would put it out of his mind for the time being.

He turned his gaze back to Dougan, stern and completely implacable. The boy must see that no meant no and there was no room for doubt or argument.

"Dougan, that's crap. There's no spell. Goku and I aren't lovers, you aren't my pupil or my successor and I have no interest in you sexually. Do I make myself _absolutely _clear?" Dougan hung his head. "If I hear another word about any of this or I hear that you've been making life difficult for Goku I will have you transferred to another temple. Go!" Dougan gave Sanzo a strange look in which possessiveness combined with hunger and he had the uncomfortable feeling that in spite of everything he'd just said, the differences in their age and position this wasn't over yet. It was almost as if Dougan wanted to _consume _him. The idea was so creepy he felt a chill run up his back, in spite of the sunshine and the fresh, warm air. Dougan still stood indecisively, as if he really couldn't believe what Sanzo was telling him.

"Did you hear me?" Sanzo growled, his violet eyes darkening.

Dougan decided that discretion was the better part of valor.

"Yes." He replied in a very small voice, tears welling up in his eyes.

"Then get the fuck out!" Dougan ran as fast as his feet would carry him, tears blinding him and Sanzo's words ringing in his head. This simply couldn't be! It had to be a test. Or Goku's doing. Maybe he had controlled the Master into saying those things. Now he thought about it there had been a moment where he'd touched Sanzo's ankle, apparently to restrain him from attacking Dougan. What if that had just been a cover for something more nefarious? Dougan's mind continued to tick over, taking the thought to its logical conclusion.

"What would you like to do, Sanzo?" asked Goku, unsure as to how to respond. Sanzo was still very angry and it would take him a while to unwind.

"Regain my composure before we go back to the temple." replied Sanzo, restraining himself from snapping at Goku, who was, after all completely innocent.

"Then why not come in swimming again? See if you can catch me!" Rather to Sanzo's surprise he rubbed his shaggy head, cat-like, against Sanzo's knee. Actually, that was a good idea. It would enable him to blow off some of his anger, dunk Goku a few times, maybe put that presumptuous brat, Dougan, out of his mind for a while and show a reasonably tranquil face back at the temple. Goku was looking up at him with huge, hopeful eyes. How the hell was he supposed to refuse that look?

"OK, I'll give you five seconds head start." He replied.

"You'll regret the head start!" Goku grinned happily, diving straight in and flashing through the water like a fish. Sanzo figured he was probably right.


	4. Chapter 4

Saiyuki belongs to Minekura Kazuya.

Thankyou for the beta, kelly! You are a gem of rare price!

**Chapter 4: Another One**

Another one. This was getting annoying. He refused to speculate on the identity of his admirer. The subject was entirely academic: he wasn't interested. He'd made his own choice some months ago and knew that if he was to get what he wanted he would have to wait. He had no idea how long the wait would be but it didn't matter. He had the discipline, the desire, the connection and the love. He was Genjyo Sanzo, damnit, and he was stubborn in ways few mortals could even begin to fathom. This was a minor annoyance, a distraction from what really mattered.

The parchment was heavy, of good quality, the calligraphy was a little heavy handed but passable, the poetry was horrible but literate. It was obviously written by someone who knew the forms but had no grasp of the substance and certainly no taste. Unsigned, of course. The coward! Bloody hell, if the cretin was going to send badly written erotic poetry to and about someone, he should at least have the decency to sign his name so his recipient would know who to shoot!

"Whatcha got there, Sanzo?" asked his roommate in his usual cheerful, friendly fashion as he tried to sneak a peek. Sanzo sighed. If he tried to hide it Goku would become inquisitive, if he tossed it in the bin the kid might just decide to fish it out later, he had no candle with which to burn the offending document and if he stuffed it hurriedly into a drawer Goku was sure to want to know what was in it. He shrugged.

"Just a boring piece of crap from a boring piece of crap." He yawned and tossed the parchment onto the table, hoping Goku would take him at his word and ignore it. But Goku wasn't as green as he was cabbage-looking. He peered at the paper and a wave of color ran up his face. Sanzo raised an eyebrow at him.

"See, that's what you get for reading other people's mail." He said with a smirk.

"But Sanzo," replied Goku, beet-red, with eyes like saucers "usually you get really angry when people come onto you. Do you like this one? You don't seem mad at all." He seemed aggrieved.

"No Goku, I'm not interested, I just don't know who the moron is. No point getting annoyed if I don't know who to kill." Goku looked thoughtful.

"Why is he a moron?" he asked.

"What kind of question is that?" replied Sanzo, fully aware that he was being maneuvered and playing for time.

"You heard me. Why does him telling you he loves you make him a moron?" Goku looked him in the eye as he mangled his syntax. That kid knew more than he let on.

"Because he doesn't know me." Sanzo looked out of the window, his face hard. "He has no idea who or what I am. He looks at me and thinks what he sees on the outside is what's inside, too. I'm not what I appear. He's made up some fantasy about me and fallen in love with that. He may as well be in love with a shikigami."

"But that letter's not signed. How can you be sure he doesn't know you? He can't write for crap but you can't be absolutely certain that you haven't known him for years and he's been eating his heart out all this time…" Goku said reasonably.

"Then he should have been honest and told me, rather than sending me tacky verses!" Sanzo replied.

"…and then ducked the gunfire!" Goku burst out laughing. Sanzo became very still.

"No. I wouldn't do that to someone who knew me and cared about me, even if I wasn't interested." Sanzo had that maneuvered feeling again.

"What would you say if _I_ told you I loved you?" asked Goku with an air of academic interest.

Sanzo fixed the youth with his deep, amethyst eyes and replied "I would say that you're too young, Little Saru, and to ask again later."

Goku blinked as the pieces fell into place.


	5. Chapter 5

Saiyuki belongs to Minekura Kazuya.

Thank you, once again, for betaing this, Kelly!

**Chapter 5: Autumn Moon**

Goku sat before the open window as he evening wind lifting his hair. Before him was a piece of parchment. In his hand, Hakkai's best calligraphy brush. He filled his brush with ink, and then hesitated. He knew what he wanted to write but was unsure as to how it would be received.

Goku had been studying poetry with Hakkai for some time and it was time to put his newfound skills to the test. He wanted to write something as a gift for Sanzo. Something romantic without being suggestive. Something tasteful without being bland. Something that might open a conversation between then them in which they could say things they could not say in their everyday interaction.

Last night they returned from one of their missions. It had been a crisp, cold, ethereal night with a full moon that shone on the river, making it shimmer like a magical silver ribbon dropped there by some careless goddess. They stood for a time in silence, side by side, admiring both the river and the watching moon. Then Sanzo shivered and Goku stepped in front of him, offering to share his body heat. Sanzo drew close, his hands resting on Goku's shoulders. Eventually his arms slid around Goku's chest, hugging him close in the chilly night air. Neither had said a word.

Goku picked up his brush again and wrote:

Moon on the river  
You shiver in your thin robe  
Let warmth be my gift

It wasn't great literature but it was a start. It was certainly nothing like the tasteless bullshit to which Sanzo had been exposed over the past few weeks and there would be no doubt who had penned it. He waited for it to dry, folded it and left it on Sanzo's desk, then went to draw his bath.

Sanzo could hear the water running in the bathroom. Goku was doing his small evening job. It really wasn't necessary but it was sweet of him to do it. Sanzo never mentioned it but he did appreciate it. He sat at his desk. Another anonymous letter. He gritted his teeth and wondered if he should even bother opening it when he realized that the paper was different to the ones he usually received. He picked it up and opened it. It was a single line in familiar, shaky, though quite graceful calligraphy. He read it and smiled. So different from the flowery crap he usually received. It was clearly a first attempt and a bit awkward but by no means contemptible. So the monkey wanted to play, did he? Sanzo would oblige. He picked up a brush and replied quickly:

A chill autumn night  
But my companion is warm  
Sunlight scents his hair

He waved the paper to dry the ink, folded it and left it on Goku's bed. That particular memory was precious to him, as well, and he was glad that Goku brought it to mind. It felt so good holding the youth against him and not just because of the cold. Goku had become very important to him over the past few months, not just as a child to guard and protect but as a friend and possible lover (although Sanzo tried hard not to anticipate that). The thought that it pleased Goku too warmed him again. This secret communication, this game, kept separate from their normal interactions could be very good for them both. Feelings were tricky, slippery things; the very obliqueness of the haiku could help capture them.

Goku glanced back just in time to see Sanzo's robe slide smoothly to the floor and pool about his feet. Sanzo shook his hair and ran his fingers through it as he climbed into the steaming tub. His beauty seemed to glow so brightly in the dim, lamp lit room that the youkai blinked and had to force himself not to stand there staring like a fool. He'd been diligent in preparing that bath. The water contained bath salts, almond oil scented with sandalwood (for Sanzo's slightly dry skin) and bruised rosemary leaves. It was well into autumn now and, try as he might, Goku couldn't find fresh rose petals to add to the bathwater. He smiled as he heard Sanzo sigh happily as his muscles relaxed in the hot water.

Goku glanced about and saw the folded paper on his bed. Sanzo responded already? He picked it up and opened it, reading the elegant, confident characters eagerly. He'd appreciated Goku's action? He'd smelt sunlight in Goku's hair? A delighted and incredulous smile spread over Goku's face. Sanzo had just made his day!

He skipped, just a little, as he went to get them a meal, a pot of tea and a jar of hot sake for Sanzo.

He didn't notice that the snow had begun to fall.


	6. Chapter 6

Saiyuki belongs to Minekura Kazuya.

Thank you for the beta, Kelly!

**Chapter 6: Being Brave**

The snow lay thick and deep in the temple gardens, hiding the lawns and resting on the branches of the trees. The river was frozen. Goku gazed out of the window and edged closer to Sanzo, who stood beside him.

Goku built up the fire early that morning, so the room was warm, but the snow still bothered him. Yesterday the world had been cold and grey, but recognizable. Now there was nothing but whiteness.

"I went and got us both some winter clothing yesterday, Saru, you should try yours on. It's very bright, so I won't lose you in the snow…" He went over to the chest of drawers and pulled out a long, heavily quilted coat of beautifully made, multicolored patchwork silk, with a deep hood that folded back. There was a bright woolen hat to wear inside the hood and a pair of equally bright leather boots and gloves to complete the outfit. Goku really liked them, they were pretty, soft and warm but it meant that soon he would have to go outside into the snow and he really didn't like snow. It held far too many painful memories.

Goku finished his chores in their rooms that morning, while Sanzo went about his duties, and then sat down at his tiny desk with a brush, water and an ink stone. He pulled a piece of paper towards him and wrote Sanzo a slightly pathetic but very honest haiku:

It's snowing outside  
I fear the cold and silence  
But I will be brave

He heaved a sigh of relief. It was so much easier to admit things this way and it bypassed the prickliness of Sanzo's external persona and went straight through to the person he was beneath. Sanzo would acknowledge his fear and he'd feel better about it. He left the sheet of paper on Sanzo's desk and went off and did the washing. Goku rather enjoyed doing the washing. It was usually done by hand and there were often a dozen or so novices all doing the same thing. The water was warm and soapy and there was a lot of good natured splashing around. Well, usually it was good natured. Dougan happened to be there today, washing his new Master's robes. There were bruises on his face, hands and arms and he seemed to have lost weight. Goku was worried about him, but Dougan eyed the youkai youth with open loathing so Goku didn't attempt to speak with him. He hung their clothing out to dry in warm drying rooms off the kitchen and returned to their quarters. Sanzo was eating his lunch and there was a bowl for Goku staying warm by the fire. Sanzo looked up at him with a half smile and poured him some tea.

"I need to go into town this afternoon, Saru, and I believe you have a class with Hakkai. You're doing very well but you have a long way to go before you can be considered an educated monkey." Sanzo smiled and tousled his head.

"Was my last attempt so very bad?" Goku asked, disappointed.

"Your last haiku was lovely and you'll find a reply on your desk. I shouldn't be too long…" Sanzo pulled on his own winter robe and pulled up the hood. The long robe was white, edged and lined with gold. He looked magnificent in it. He picked up his shakajou, its rings rattling, and its sharp terminal glistening wickedly. He usually used the scripture or the gun as his weapons but he could swing that shakajou to deadly effect as well.

"Please be careful, Sanzo, I bet those roads are icy. I wish I could come with you…"

"I'll be going on horseback, Saru, so I'll be fine. Stop fussing!"

The room seemed quiet and cold after he left and Goku wondered what Sanzo's message was. He picked it up from his desk and opened it.

Do not fear the snow  
You'll not lie alone tonight  
I shall hold you close

Goku's smile was painfully sweet. He knew very well that all Sanzo was offering him was a warm place at his side, but that was more than enough. There would be time for more later when they could meet and love as equals but for now a place in Sanzo's bed, curled up against him, under the quilt sounded like heaven.


	7. Chapter 7

Saiyuki belongs to Minekura Kazuya.

Thankyou so much for another wonderful beta, Kelly!

**Chapter 7: A Jar Of Ginger**

He knew Sanzo didn't sleep well and often drank sake before going to bed. Goku went to his own bed at first, while Sanzo drank and read a book on the mythology of the far, far west. Then finally, he settled into bed, looked at Goku, smiled and lifted his quilt, inviting Goku to join him. Goku grinned and scurried over, trying to keep his small bare feet from the tiled floor. He dived into Sanzo's bed, snuggling up against the older youth, and, true to his word, Sanzo's arms wrapped about him. It felt so good and warm and right. Sanzo stretched out behind him and pulled the quilt tight about them both, smoothing Goku's hair out of his eyes affectionately. Goku shivered with delight and Sanzo, misinterpreting him, pulled him closer still. Goku looked up at him and smiled.

"Comfy?" asked Sanzo. Goku nodded vigorously.

"It's cold out but it's so warm here with you. I felt so empty in that cave, so cold and lonely but now I feel like a cup that's full to the brim with hot chocolate!"

Sanzo smiled and whispered, to hide the emotion in his voice:

"My little monkey,  
No longer cold and lonely,  
Feels full to the brim."

Goku thought for a moment, and then whispered back:

"Content in your arms  
The snow no longer frightens  
I can sleep in peace."

Sanzo tipped Goku's chin up and kissed his forehead. Goku smiled at him, picking up the scent of sake, tobacco and sandalwood.

Dougan spied, a shadow in the corner. He wasn't physically there, of course, just a projection created while meditating but he saw it for himself now. That damned youkai had the Master deep under his spell. In spite of the Master insisting they weren't lovers, they were sharing a bed, cuddling up together and whispering as if they were, although Dougan couldn't hear what they were saying. When Sanzo had kissed the creature Dougan almost exploded with rage and jealousy. The Master was being used, to what purpose Dougan wasn't sure but he was in no doubt at all that the demon was up to no good. He couldn't think what to do. At any temple a Sanzo's will was more or less paramount. He answered only to the Sanbutsushin, so if he went to the Abbot and told him what was going on, he'd be told to mind his own business. Perhaps he could talk to the Sanbutsushin himself? He quaked at that thought but if it would save Sanzo he'd at least try. He could try and kill Goku but the youkai was so physically superior he had no idea how to go about it. He could outfight any monk in the temple without raising a sweat and he could even subdue the Master, who was, in spite of the fact that he tended to use a gun, reputed to be one of the finest human martial artists in China.

Dougan brooded.

Sanzo became aware of a presence in the room. Not a physical presence, a projection. They were being spied on. Sanzo had a good idea who it was but extended his spiritual senses, just to be sure. Dougan. The boy was completely shameless. He hadn't stopped spying, he'd just become more sophisticated in his methods. This was the first time he'd tried this technique, though, Sanzo was sure of it. The intrusive, tasteless pornography was nothing compared to this invasion of their privacy. He whispered to Goku:

"Dougan has sent a projection. He's watching us. I'm going to capture him and hold him until morning. The little shit! I'm so sick of this!" He hissed. Goku gazed back at him, wide eyed. Sanzo reached for a jar that usually rested on his bedside table and held sugared ginger. Lifting off the lid, he offered Goku the last two pieces, with a smile. Then he turned towards the projection pointing the neck of the now-empty jar at him, raised his hand and began to chant. The spell and the sheer power of his will sucked the spirit into the jar and Sanzo slapped the lid on, trapping it.

"Hold your hand over the lid, Goku while I make a seal…" He handed Goku the jar, went to his desk and reached for a slip of paper, then wrote a string of characters with his brush, chanting all the while. Then he took the jar from Goku and smoothed the seal across the lid and shoulders of the jar. "That will hold him." said Sanzo grimly.

"What will you do with him?" asked Goku.

"I'm going to take the jar and the pornography to the abbot in the morning. I will show him the letters, break the seal and let _him_ deal with Dougan. Ultimately Dougan is his responsibility. He's no longer my attendant. He's nothing more or less than a stalker."

"I don't question your judgment but wouldn't it be easier to deal with him yourself?" Goku countered, hoping to keep it out of official circles and save Dougan's face and, hopefully, his career.

"You're a kindly little monkey, but I've already tried and it didn't stop. Now he invades our rooms at night, as well as spying on us and writing explicit, sexually harassing letters. I have had enough. Short of killing him I don't see what I can do because he's convinced that I'm under your control and that underneath your spell I'm interested in him. He's completely deluded and I can't get through to him. If you can think of another idea, I'm open to suggestions." Sanzo's voice was gentle.

"I just feel kinda sorry for him. He really thinks I'm evil and hurting you and he's trying to protect you. Its crap but he believes he's doing the right thing and being all brave and heroic and romantic and all…" Goku's voice petered out unhappily.

"I'm sure the abbot will take that into account, Saru. He's a kind, wise man. He might even find a way of curing him." He checked that the jar was safe on the floor by the bed and got back under the covers, tucking them back around Goku, who snuggled back into his arms.

"He will be OK in there, won't he?" Goku asked.

"Of course, Goku. I wouldn't hurt him. I just want him to leave us alone. We'll sort this out in the morning. A few hours in the jar won't do him any harm."

Goku nodded, relaxed and slept.

Sanzo lay awake for some time. Dougan had unsettled him. Sanzo wondered just what would happen when he was freed from the jar. He hugged the sleeping youkai and slowly began to feel better. Goku had questioned him, weighed his response and accepted it. He really was growing up. Questioning. He had also shown himself as compassionate and empathetic, valuable traits that Sanzo knew he lacked. He fell asleep still thinking about the implications.


	8. Chapter 8

Saiyuki belongs to Minekura Kazuya

Thank you for the wonderful beta, Kelly!

* * *

**Like The Snow**

Goku woke feeling warm and content. Some of his habitual hunger seemed to be assuaged by Sanzo's closeness. Maybe it wasn't food just food he was hungry for, after all, but also, somehow, for Sanzo. He contemplated this for a moment or two, surprised at his lack of hunger and enjoying his guardian's nearness. Fast asleep, Sanzo was wrapped about him, as if trying to keep him from the cold. Goku's head was tucked under Sanzo's chin and Sanzo's arm was draped about his chest. Goku lay very still, not wanting to wake his companion, knowing that this was right, this was his place. Later, as Sanzo had suggested, he would ask again but just now he was content to be Sanzo's friend and fictive younger brother. He was no longer a pet and Sanzo didn't treat him like one. Others may refer to him that way but now he was able to discern the edge of jealousy on their voices, as if they would gladly be Sanzo's pet if it meant getting close to him.

Dougan, at present residing in a sealed ginger jar on the floor, was a case in point. No, that wasn't right. It was quite possible for a normal, healthy-minded person to be jealous. Dougan's jealousy was unhealthy, obsessive, as if he wanted to own Sanzo, consume him, absorb him and take away his freedom so that he would exist only for Dougan. To Goku, who valued his own freedom above all but his friendship with Sanzo, such an idea was horrible. For Goku, where there was love there could be no coercion of any kind. Thus, he understood why, although he had every reason to believe that Sanzo loved him, Sanzo chose to wait until Goku was older so he could be certain that Goku didn't feel forced to accept him, that Goku would be sure that he was the right person for him.

Goku's mind returned to the infuriating but unfortunate Dougan in his jar by the bed. Poor thing. He'd be released before the Abbot this morning, body and spirit reunited and he'd face the consequences of his actions. Goku had no idea what the consequences of those actions might be, but the sexual harassment of one's superior was no light matter. Especially when that superior was a Sanzo priest and the harassment had been in writing that ranged from the foolishly romantic to the sexually explicit.

He snuggled closer to Sanzo and he felt Sanzo's arm tighten around him as he woke.

"Did you sleep well, Saru?" Sanzo's voice was soft and deep, without its usual edge.

"Yes, I only just woke up. You?"

"Mmmmmm…" He could hear the sleepy smile in Sanzo's voice.

"I'm glad!" They lay side by side, enjoying the warmth of one another's presence. The sense of rightness lay between them and Goku could sense a spark of happiness somewhere deep inside Sanzo. Sanzo was not usually a happy person; he had too many mononoke in his heart and his head, and to be able to make him happy, even for a moment made Goku happy, too.

"We should get moving. We'll go see the Abbot after morning prayers and have this matter with Dougan sorted out. You're part of this too, so I want you to be there. You've been there every time he's spoken to me, you've seen all his letters and you were there last night. You're a witness." Goku nodded. He rolled over to face Sanzo.

"Some of this must be really yucky for you. It's a pity we can't deal with it ourselves, and not just for Dougan's sake."  
Sanzo's arms came tight about him.

"I'll be all right, Saru, this has to be done…but thank you..." Sanzo's voice trailed off, his beautiful, violet eyes were serious but Goku could still feel that spark of happiness.

* * *

Sanzo was drinking a third cup of coffee and Goku had a feeling he was trying to put off the inevitable. Didn't matter, Sanzo would come around soon enough. A little prevarication wouldn't hurt. This was not going to be fun and if Sanzo needed a third cup to fortify him, Goku had no intention of hurrying him. He went across to the window. The sun was shining brightly but it had been a cold night and frost lay glittering on the thick snow. It encrusted the edges of the window and limned the branches of the trees. The whole world seemed to sparkle like diamonds. In just a few minutes the sun would melt the frost.

"Sanzo…come and take a look at this! It's so pretty!" Sanzo drifted over with his coffee cup.

"Exquisite…" murmured Sanzo "but so transient. It'll be gone in minutes." He sounded reflective and a little melancholy. They watched, side by side, as the frost melted. Then Sanzo drifted back to his desk, gathering together Dougan's letters. Goku wandered over to his little desk, wet his inkstone, drew a sheet of paper towards him and began to write a single line of characters. A small gift.

The frost lies on snow,  
Lovely but ephemeral.  
I hope love is not.

He waited a moment before folding it and sliding it into his broad sleeve.

"Coming, Saru?" Sanzo asked, picking up the jar and tucking the letters into his capacious sleeve. Goku nodded as Sanzo turned for the door. The monkey slipped the paper from his own sleeve onto Sanzo's desk as he passed.

They entered the Abbot's office after prayers, Sanzo carrying the ginger jar and the letters. Goku followed him as he swept through the door.

"Master Sanzo's this is indeed an honor! What can I do for you?" The Abbot, a sweet natured gentleman, smiled in greeting and poured tea for the three of them. "Won't you take a seat?" He gestured to a large carved chair before his desk for Sanzo, with a small, flat cushion at his feet for Goku. Sanzo smiled and sat, as Goku knelt.

"I fear I have a problem and must appeal to you to help me solve it." Sanzo's voice was measured and carefully modulated, his tone both formal and friendly. The Abbot's eyebrows shot up. He usually appealed to Sanzo for help, not the other way around.

"Please, if I can be of _any_ assistance…" began the Abbot.

"It is a delicate matter of a personal nature and I do not wish it to become generally known." Sanzo's voice was still friendly and polite but there was steel in his tone.

"Of course…" replied the Abbot, urbanely, intrigued. Sanzo sipped his tea and then drew breath.

"Four years ago a young attendant was assigned to me."

"I remember. Young Dougan, he seemed a very pleasant, educated lad. I felt he would be an appropriate attendant who wouldn't either be intrusive or bore you to death. I know that he left your service under a cloud some months ago. I didn't enquire, thinking you knew your own business best." His voice was gentle and kind. Sanzo looked down into his teacup. Then, strong as usual, he met the Abbot's eye.

"He conceived, what I perceived at the time, to be a foolish infatuation with me. I ignored it at first, hoping that he would find my…unconventional manners and lack of encouragement off putting, but it seemed to have the opposite effect. Soon he seemed to feel himself to be my pupil and likely successor and Goku as his rival for my affection. From there his thoughts seemed to become darker and he developed what I can only describe as a sexual obsession with me and the delusion that Goku was an evil demon who had cast a spell on me for nefarious purposes of his own. He saw himself in the role of my rescuer. I told him that was not the case, that I had no sexual interest in him, Goku was no danger to me and that he was suffering from delusions. I dismissed him from my service." Sanzo drew breath. He was finding this very difficult.

"How very unpleasant for you!" The Abbot was quite distressed. Sanzo held up one graceful hand. He wasn't finished yet.

"Soon after I dismissed him, I began receiving…poetry…ranging from the romantic to the explicitly pornographic. The handwriting is Dougan's." He handed the letters to the Abbot, who opened a few at random and then looked back at Sanzo with horrified eyes.

"Some of these are really foul…" He stammered, his composure in tatters. "To think that you should have been exposed to such…" but Sanzo wasn't finished.

"Then he started spying on us and stalking us. Goku, as much as myself. Then, last night I became aware of his projection in my chamber, watching us. So I captured it in this jar." He placed the jar carefully on the Abbot's desk. The Abbot looked at him in astonishment.

"Well, let's see what he has to say for himself, shall we? His body must be in Master Hong-yu's chamber."

* * *

The Abbot knocked firmly and there was an answering "Come in!" The three of them went into Hong-yu's rooms. He was standing over Dougan's bed. As he turned, his eyes widened when he saw Sanzo. They had barely exchanged two words since he'd expressed an interest in Goku a couple of years earlier. Sanzo had shown him off in no uncertain terms. Sanzo could feel Goku's hand clenched in his sleeve. He didn't like Hong-yu any more than Sanzo did. If he'd had compassion for Dougan before it was doubled now.

"I don't know what's the matter with him...I simply couldn't wake him this morning. It's as is he's deeply asleep or drugged."

"I know what's wrong with him." replied Sanzo, his voice clipped. Goku stood away from him, to one side. He wasn't sure what would happen when the seal was broken but he knew he may need to protect Sanzo.

Sanzo twisted the seal and lifted the lid of the jar and suddenly Dougan was conscious and furious. He dived for Hong-yu's shakujou, leaning against the wall and lunged straight at Goku. Sanzo caught Goku's shoulder, hoping to pull him out of the way, but he found that in spite of his efforts Goku was as immovable as a mountain and made no effort to dodge. He simply stood with his arms at his side as Dougan came at him, a strange feeling of déjà vu running through his mind. His only thought was to stay between Dougan and Sanzo and make sure that neither got hurt. The sharp finial of the shakujou hit Goku's coronet with full force and it broke against the Heaven-made metal. This time Sanzo interposed himself between them, knocking Dougan clear across the room and into the wall. Dougan hit with a crash and slid to the floor. Sanzo stalked over to him, picked him up by the scruff of his neck and shook him like a cat with a mouse.

"What am I going to do with you?" He snarled.

"Kill me!" Dougan replied, piously "I would rather die loving you than live being loved by another." Dougan looked at him with a martyred expression.

"Stop trying to manipulate me, you little shit!" Sanzo replied, snarling and dropped him. He picked up the shakujou and tossed it, clattering, into the far corner of the room, well out of Dougan's reach. Then he turned back to the stunned Goku. His gentle fingers searched Goku's scalp for injuries but the limiter had taken the full force of Dougan's attack. He lifted Goku's chin, looking into his eyes, checking for concussion. Goku looked like he was grasping at a receding memory. He ran his thumb along Goku's eyebrow to attract his attention.

"Saru, are you OK? That was quite a blow…" Sanzo had to fight the impulse to pull the youth into his arms and hold him tightly. Goku focused with an effort.

"I'm fine Sanzo. Are you? And Dougan?" Goku's voice was full of concern.

"Yes, I'm not hurt and neither is Dougan, although it's more than he deserves." Sanzo, convinced that Goku was unhurt, turned to the Abbot and Hong-yu.

"You both saw that. It was clearly an unprovoked attempt at murder."

"Sanzo, I'm not going to press that. He really believes he's doing the right thing…" Goku was distressed by Sanzo's plain speaking and caught at his wrist. Sanzo put is hand on the boy's shoulder and was about to answer when Dougan interrupted.

"Master Sanzo, how can you bear to touch that filthy creature? It's evil and unclean! How can you stand its dirty paws on you?" Dougan burst out, on his feet and hurrying towards them, one hand outstretched to pull Goku away. Sanzo swept between them and then turned to Hong-yu.

"Get your attendant under control, Hong-yu, or I will do it for you." His voice was frigid. Hong-yu darted forward, catching Dougan by his collar and slapped him hard across the face. Dougan fell to his knees, watching Sanzo despairingly.

"What do you wish to do about this, Master Sanzo?" asked the Abbot. "Clearly this situation can't continue." His voice was very calm.

"I suggest we transfer him to another temple." Said Sanzo "He's delusory, mentally ill, so it would be inappropriate to punish him further, but neither Goku, nor I are prepared to live with this kind abuse. The problem may subside away from us." The Abbot nodded, it seemed the obvious solution if Dougan was to be unpunished.

"How can you say that, Master? We have so much in common! We understand one another so well! If that _thing _hadn't invaded our lives we could both have been happy!" Dougan really didn't know when to shut up. The venom with which he referred to Goku made the boy's eyes fill with tears. Sanzo's arm slid about his shoulder but he turned to Dougan.

"None of it is real, Dougan. Goku didn't destroy anything because there was never anything to begin with!" Sanzo's tone was final.

"He's cast a spell on you! He's taken away your will and your freedom to choose who you love! He's controlling your actions and your feelings! He's _forcing_ you to love him when without his interference it's _me_ you'd love!" Dougan said, with desperation in his voice. The Abbot looked wise and kept out of it. Hong-yu seemed horrified. Dougan had been his bedmate for weeks now and he'd had no idea of his obsession with Sanzo. He'd actually thought the boy cared for him.

"That's crap." replied Sanzo, not mincing matters. "I have no intention of discussing my relationship with Goku, except to say that there are no spells, no mind control and no evil magic." Sanzo was very angry now. Goku could feel him shaking with it. Then Goku realized that Sanzo hadn't once denied loving him, he'd simply told Dougan to mind his own business.

"There _has_ to be! Why else would you choose _that_ rather than me? I worked so hard to be worthy of you, Master. If you take me back, I'll work harder still. Why, Master, why?" Dougan pleaded. "Am I not strong enough? Did I fail you in some way and show myself unworthy? I'll put it right, prove myself. Let me show you I'm better than that creature and that I'm the one worthy of your affection and trust! Why him and not me?" Dougan wailed.

"If you don't understand that already Dougan, I can't explain it." Sanzo's voice was clipped, angry. "Some things don't happen by accident. My finding Goku was not an accident, nor was my bringing him here. He's under my protection and directly under the supervision of the Sanbutsushin. He has an unquestionable right to be here, with me."

"Master, He's a _youkai_. The only youkai to live in any temple in China and he doesn't belong among decent humans, never mind the pure souls found in temples."

Sanzo gave a bitter, barking laugh. "Are you kidding? Goku's probably one of the purest, most compassionate people living here. I know you don't realize it, but the whole time you've be behaving like a moron and talking endless reams of shit about him, he's been talking about _you_ with empathy, compassion and generosity. Even when you tried to kill him he didn't defend himself and he didn't retaliate."

"It's all a front, Master, to make you think well of him…"

Sanzo's eyes flashed with fury and for a moment Goku thought Sanzo would strike Dougan. Then he turned, his arm still about Goku's shoulder and addressed the Abbot.

"Abbot, please arrange for Dougan's transfer as soon as may be convenient for you." He was polite but his anger still smoldered in his eyes. "I do not wish to see, or hear from him again. Hong-yu, until he goes he's your responsibility. Keep him out of my sight and away from Goku." With that he left the room, taking Goku with him. He stalked back to his chambers, his arm still resting about the saru's shoulder.

* * *

"Sanzo, are you alright?" Goku asked, as Sanzo sank onto the couch by the window. Sanzo drew several deep breaths before answering and Goku poured him a cup of sake. Sanzo took the cup, with a slight smile and sculled the lot.

"Yeah, I'm fine, just angry. But Saru," he continued "I'm proud of you." He tousled Goku's soft, unruly hair.

"Really? I didn't really know what to do."

"You were sane and kind and reasonable, just who you are and just who you needed to be."

"I guess I'm dumb but I don't understand any of this." Goku sounded perplexed.

"I may call you 'bakasaru' but it's just a nasty nickname and it allows people to underestimate you. It also maintains my reputation as an a-grade asshole, who shouldn't be crossed. That means I have to put up with fewer idiots, so I don't have to kill as many. It doesn't mean that I really think you're stupid." He stopped and gave Goku a shrewd look. "I'm going to be unusually honest and positive here and say that you behaved exactly as I would have expected. You are a very fine warrior but you're not violent without very good cause. Today, you could easily have killed Dougan in self defense and nobody would have blamed you, but you returned a soft answer at considerable risk to yourself."

"I got it right?"

"Yes, you did." He thought for a moment. "I'm tempted to make you officially my attendant and body guard, rather than just the kid who hangs around. It'll also mean you'll have status, your own place in the temple hierarchy and some money of your own. You do both jobs anyway so you should be recognized for them." Sanzo looked thoughtful. "The Abbot will want to see me later, I'll arrange it then."

It was then that he noticed Goku's haiku on his desk.

"You put this here as we left?" He asked as he picked it up and opened it and smiled. Then he picked up his brush, wet his inkstone and with his confident, elegant calligraphy, replied to Goku's haiku. He'd had many conversations with the Sanbutsushin concerning Goku and his relationship with him. They had told him that Goku was his Truth and he had every reason to believe that they had met before, so he answered in the light of that understanding.

My brave companion,  
How can a bond of lifetimes  
Dissolve like the snow?

He handed it back to Goku who read it and smiled back at him radiantly.

The Abbot knocked on Sanzo's door half an hour later, having done all the paperwork for Dougan's transfer and brought it for Sanzo's signature as well as his own. Sanzo had papers of his own that he wanted the Abbot's signature on as well, so they exchanged hostages while Goku made tea.

"Well Goku," said the Abbott affably "that was an impressive display and it pleases me to see that your skills are being recognized. You showed a steadfastness, loyalty and steadiness of nerve that would have been prodigious in a monk three times your age and we've all seen your martial skills and know how that encounter _could_ have played out. I'm really pleased that you're officially on our staff. As skilled bodyguard, you'll earn a stipend and as Master Sanzo's attendant I imagine things will continue much as they do now."

"Thank you for trusting me." replied Goku, smiling.

"You've shown yourself more than worthy of trust. Master Sanzo obviously trusts you and I believe you've been guarding him for a while. We're just recognizing the situation that already exists." He sipped his tea, smiling at Goku over the rim of his cup.

* * *

Goku stared into the fire, a little unhappily, when Sanzo came in bearing two huge mugs of hot chocolate and a little bowl of marshmallows on a tray.

"OK, Saru, you've been quiet all evening. What's wrong?"

"Dougan's ranting isn't the first time I've heard people say that I've put you under a spell. I dunno what they think I hope to gain or why I'd want anything you didn't want to give freely. It worries me that people would assume a thing like that without even knowing me." Sanzo dropped several marshmallows into a mug and handed it to Goku.

"Some people are just racist assholes, Goku. They hear vague, prejudiced tales about youkai and they assume that every ill-founded rumor they've heard must be true. Then, of course, one or two of them have seen the Sage and he frightened them. You're perfectly OK with your limiter intact but people don't forget a thing like that easily. But Saru, I trust you and the Abbot trusts you and the rest don't matter. There are also many here you have a good deal of affection for you so don't assume that the entire temple is suspicious of you."

"Really, some people like me? They aren't just being polite because of you?"

"Lots of the older monks appreciate your energy and playfulness and don't resent the chaos you sometimes create. The younger ones see you as competition and in some ways you far outstrip them, so naturally they resent you."

"I didn't know."

"Also, although I'm Sanzo, I'm not completely respectable according to some of the denizens of this and other temples." He hesitated, violet eyes very dark. "I'm not at all what they expect from a Sanzo Priest. I'm a foundling and my Master died protecting me. Some people hold me responsible for his death." He hesitated, wondering if he wanted to give this much away and then decided that for once, he'd trust. "I wandered destitute for four years, searching for the Seiten scripture, doing things no respectable person would do, never mind a Sanzo Priest, in order so survive. So you see, I may be part of your problem, too. People may see you as another of my 'eccentricities'."

Goku put aside his cup, hitched himself across to Sanzo's side and wrapped his arms about the priest's waist, his head resting against his shoulder.

"Sanzo, if I could have chosen anyone in the world to have found and rescued me it would have been you. If people are stupid enough to judge you by things over which you had no control, it's their loss. They've hurt you, though, and I won't forgive them for that. I know that at the moment we can be no more than friends, but I promise that I won't vanish like the snow in spring." Goku gazed up at him, golden eyes steady with trust and affection.

"You know, Goku, I never believed you would." Sanzo replied, smiling.


	9. Chapter 9

Pairings Sanzo/Goku, OC (Hong-Yu)/Dougan

Warnings: non-explicit rape (remembered and offstage). People with rape issues might find this a little sensitive.

Saiyuki belongs to Minekura Kazuya

Thank you for the great beta, Kelly!

Note: I know it's not really done to spend a great deal of time working with an OC but since Hong-yu is seriously contributing to Dougan's problem I thought it was appropriate.

* * *

A little wind can clear the eyes

_Like this_

Rumi

* * *

**Chapter 9: Like This**

Dougan brooded in his room. He had to get out of here. _Tonight_. After Master Sanzo and the others left, Hong-yu picked Dougan up by the scruff of his neck and tossed him into the little room that was nominally his, along with a jug of water and a chamber pot and locked him in. He wouldn't be leaving there until his transfer was organised and his transport arranged. It could be days. Things had looked very bad today and the damn monkey's behaviour had shown up his own. Nobody would believe him now. His hatred for Goku burned deep into the marrow of his bones, poisoning him. Goku hadn't even considered him a worthy opponent. He'd just stood there like some little saint and fooled the lot of them, the Abbot, Master Sanzo and his new master. Dougan was so angry he felt like he might burst into flames. He wanted the demon dead but knew he had no chance of killing him. Not as he was now, Goku was just too strong. It would be like battering himself against a mountain. He had to become strong, then he could come back and prove his worth to Master Sanzo, stepping over Goku's corpse in order to do so. Master Sanzo, who valued strength and courage so highly, would accept him and value his love and his dedication. He would claim his true position at Master Sanzo's side and in his bed.

He was also furious at his master for locking him in here in this humiliating way. God, how he hated the man! He thought of all those nights he'd lain under Hong-yu, passive and obedient, with his eyes closed, fanaticizing that it was Master Sanzo inside him, covering him. That was the only thing that had made the situation remotely bearable. Then he'd open his eyes and looked into Hong-yu's sweaty face and want to stick a knife between the man's ribs. He hated the idea that Hong-yu felt entitled to the use of his body as if he was just an object, rather than a person with feelings, desires and preferences of his own.

He'd find a way to escape, go into hiding, train. He'd get out of here tonight.

* * *

Hong-yu was furious. He felt betrayed. He'd thought that Dougan had had some genuine affection for him. Now it was obvious that his passions lay elsewhere entirely and that he felt nothing more than docile resignation in Hong-yu's bed. It hadn't been innocence, modesty or that he was honored by Hong-yu's attention, as the monk had told himself. He'd simply been a dutiful, disinterested catamite. He _loved_ Master Sanzo, who, to judge from the way he was behaving with Goku, obviously had other fish to fry. The boy had been really impressive, now that Hong-yu came to think of it. He behaved in the best, non-violent Buddhist manner and stood there, showing great courage and resolution, protecting his master. Hong-yu had seen the boy sparring with Master Sanzo and had no doubt that he could have killed Dougan without even trying. Sanzo had obviously been touched and protective. He had reason to be proud. Hong-yu was not. Dougan had disgraced him as well as lied to him. It had never occurred to him to actually _ask_ Dougan what he thought or felt about their 'relationship' but as far as he was concerned that wasn't the issue. Hong-yu had been kind to him, never once beating him without a reason or making demands he had no right to make. Dougan owed him at least enthusiasm and gratitude, not just resignation. He owed him the kind of devotion that Goku gave Master Sanzo.

Then it occurred to him that he really should go and apologize to Master Sanzo. If he'd been tougher with Dougan this may not have happened. If he'd actually been managing to send Master Sanzo pornographic letters then Hong-yu had most certainly not been keeping a close enough eye on him. To do so had been truly shameful and Hong-yu knew that he was partially responsible. He had no idea what to say to the man. They hadn't really spoken in two years after Hong-yu had made an attempt to 'acquire' Goku from him and Master Sanzo had answered him with such fury and finality. Having watched the boy's behavior today, it was small wonder that Master Sanzo had been so possessive. If you find a companion, pupil and bedmate like that you wouldn't let go of him easily, even if you were a Sanzo. At the time Hong-yu had just thought of him as a pretty, bright eyed, little boy with an engaging, playful manner, someone who'd be fun in bed and would brighten up his life, but there was obviously a lot more to him than that. He poured himself some tea as he sat back in his chair and indulged in a little fantasy as to what that long, auburn hair would feel like running through his fingers and how those firm but surprisingly sensual lips would taste. Well, he was never likely to find out. That was one sweet little morsel he wasn't going to be sampling. Master Sanzo would be likely to shoot him if he so much as looked in Goku's direction and to be honest Hong-yu could hardly blame him.

He could hear Dougan crying in his room and felt a jolt of malicious satisfaction. Serve him right for being a deceiving, disobedient, ungrateful, presumptuous, little brat. Then the idea that he'd been sending Master Sanzo pornographic letters made him cringe. He had to go and apologise to the man and he should do it sooner, rather than later. He finished his tea and got to his feet.

* * *

There was firelight and lamplight showing under Sanzo's door when he got to his room. Good, they were still up. He knocked.

"Come in…" Sanzo's voice was quiet. Hong-yu entered to find both Sanzo and Goku on the rug by the fire, the room was warm and quiet, the fire crackling and the snow muffling all sound from outside. Goku had his head in Sanzo's lap and he was obviously fast asleep. He looked so sweet and pure and trusting that Hong-yu's breath caught in his throat. Master Sanzo's hand rested on his hair. Sanzo usually had an air of irritation and impatience about him. He had a sharp wit and a tongue like a lash but now, relaxed, with his face in repose he looked like a different person. He seemed years younger, and it occurred to Hong-yu that the young Sanzo priest couldn't be much more that twenty years old. Ten years younger than he was himself. He'd been through so much trouble and pain. When he'd first arrived here Genjyo Sanzo's bizarre behavior had been common gossip, he'd been twitchy, paranoid, trigger-happy and obviously broken in some fundamental way. According to rumor, his body had been covered with scars and, Hong-yu suspected, his mind had been badly traumatized. Eventually he'd settled until he merely had a reputation for being bad-tempered, prickly, and clever. He was a young man of great resourcefulness and a fine agent to the Aspects. Hong-yu understood now why all the masks were necessary, the devices to make people keep their distance. Genjyo Sanzo was beautiful, _very_ beautiful, the kind of unearthly beauty that inevitably attracts attention. He used his off-putting, irritable manner as a form of misdirection. While people were angry with him or frightened of him they weren't noticing the amethyst eyes, the mother of pearl skin and the glittering golden hair. His life on the road must have been sheer hell, poor kid, alone, with no protector, looking like that. Hong-yu had no doubt that the rumors that he'd killed often were true. He'd have to have killed in self-defence. He would have had no choice if he'd want to stay alive, unmolested and free. No wonder Goku was so important to him.

"What is it, Hong-yu?" Sanzo's voice was deep, soft and uncharacteristically mellow.

"I…just came to apologise, Master Sanzo. Had I been more dutiful as Dougan's master, kept a closer eye on him, he would not have been able to send you those objectionable letters, not been able to stalk you as he did." Hong-yu bowed his head.

"You might have stopped him, but I doubt it. Why would you watch him more closely than any other child if you didn't know the background? None of us watch our attendants and pupils all the time. Why would you?" Sanzo's voice was very low; he obviously didn't want to wake the boy sleeping in his lap. Goku stirred, snuggling closer. Sanzo looked down at him with a half-smile. "The responsibility is Dougan's, not yours. I'm sure you had no reason to believe anything was going on at all." Sanzo's voice was very gentle, almost a purr. Hong-yu was aware that the tone was for Goku, not for him but he responded anyway. He'd never imagined Sanzo could be this way and felt that he was being privileged to see something very rare. The violet eyes glanced at him with residual warmth. He could feel Sanzo's power, the depth of his charisma and he could feel himself melt before Sanzo's strength and understood why Dougan had become so obsessive and why Goku loved him so much that he would unhesitatingly risk his life for him. Goku shifted again and Sanzo stood, lifting the boy effortlessly as he did so. Goku's arms wrapped about his neck and his head dropped to Sanzo's shoulder.

"I think it's time for you to go to bed, little one, don't you?" He murmured, gently.

"C'n I sleep in _your_ bed, Sanzo? It's snowy and cold out…" his voice was sleepy and Hong-yu was sure Goku didn't know he was there.

"Alright, Saru, but I want you to go to sleep, don't wait up for me. I need to speak to Hong-yu." He gave Hong-yu a half smile.

* * *

Hong-yu watched in astonishment as Sanzo carried his diminutive companion into the bedroom and listened as Sanzo tucked the boy into bed. Sanzo left a small light burning by the door. For all his physical courage, was Goku afraid of the dark? While Goku and his master were talking in hushed tones in the other room, Hong-yu noticed a sheet of paper covered with carefully written characters. They appeared to be two haiku, one set out beside the other. He stooped slightly so he could read without touching it. They _were_ haiku and they were obviously a pair. Goku had obviously written the first and Sanzo had answered him. Goku must have written it early this morning because it mused upon the beauty of the frost on the snow, mourning its ephemerality, the turn of the poem was the hope that love was not. The tone was sweet, wistful and very personal. It was very romantic, in fact, without being in any way crass or demanding, also pretty and quite perceptive in one so young. Sanzo's reply was surprising. He'd addressed Goku as 'My brave companion' suggesting that he'd only found the poem after they'd returned from Hong-yu's quarters and the fracas with Dougan. It also suggested that he didn't see Goku as his pupil, his servant or his bed warmer, but as his friend, someone whose company he sought and valued. Then he went on to talk about their relationship having existed in previous lives and was therefore durable and unlikely to fade away. It was a very reassuring answer to Goku's slightly melancholy question. So they shared a karmic bond, did they? That explained a lot.

Then it struck him that he had obviously misread the whole relationship. They shared a karmic bond so there were deep emotions running between them. Karmic bonds were rare and very powerful. There was no point fighting them. They obviously loved one another deeply. Hong-yu wasn't sure that it was sexual, although he had little doubt that at some point it would become so. Goku had asked to sleep in Sanzo's bed, an unheard-of license, but Sanzo had carried him there and stayed to talk to him, tucked him up warmly and left a nightlight to keep him company until he could join him. That was unheard of, as well. The relationship between priest and attendant or acolyte didn't work that way. These kinds of relationships were essentially unemotional. It was permissible to care for one's partner's well being in a general way, but love was usually seen as an attachment best avoided. It was almost like a deal; the younger partner provided sexual services, total obedience and cheerful acceptance of any and all discipline, labor and willingness to learn. In return he was given training, support, protection, discipline and a place to belong. Not all masters demanded sexual services but a significant number did. Women were seen as polluting and a Buddhist monk should have nothing to do with them but boys were another matter.

You did not treat your acolyte as a cherished younger brother, a sensitive friend from whom you drove away the terrors of the darkness, the cold and the silence, or a potential lover to be wooed and respected.

Whatever Goku's role was, it wasn't any of the usual ones, but this was a karmic bond and that made them soulmates. Hong-yu had never seen that before and had no idea what it would look like. _Like this_, he supposed, with a mental shrug. There were no rules for this kind of thing, nothing by which to judge, only the personalities, the souls of those concerned and what they sparked off in one another. If they shared a bond of that kind then this was how it _should_ be for them. There could be no wrong answers.

It was certainly food for thought.

* * *

Sanzo tucked the quilt warmly about Goku, settling it right up to his chin, and then stroking the hair out of his eyes.

"Sanzo?" Goku's eyes were just a little apprehensive.

"Yes Saru? Are you warm enough?" Goku smiled and nodded, his champagne eyes glowing up at him.

"May I ask a favor? A big one? I won't be upset if you say no."

"What is it?" Sanzo asked.

"A kiss, Sanzo? Just one? Nothing more, just a single kiss."

Sanzo hesitated and Goku gazed at him with those huge, bright golden, irresistible eyes. This might not be a good idea. He was afraid he may not be able to stop, or that it would open a whole can of worms that Goku wasn't ready to cope with yet. And yet Goku had asked. He'd thought about it. Maybe a taste, a promise was appropriate. Sanzo leaned forward and took Goku's face between his hands, very gently, took Goku's lips with his own. They were soft and silken but became firmer as Goku responded. He opened to Sanzo without hesitation, full of trust and love. Sanzo could never betray him, never go further than invited. He breathed into Goku's mouth, his tongue caressing the youth's lips but going no further. He smiled as Goku followed his lead, returning both the breath and the caress. It felt so good that Sanzo shivered with delight. Goku's breath was sweet and fresh and he tasted of honeyed peaches and something deeper, earthier, and mossy, like a forest after rain. Goku's deepest nature could be tasted in his kiss, inhaled with his breath. It was as if he was seeing the saru clearly for the first time, touching, for just a moment the centre of that magical creature. Goku's tongue touched his, shyly and then pulled away. Sanzo wanted more, wanted to suck at Goku's tongue, explore that warm, sweet mouth, gather the saru into his arms…

Enough. It was his responsibility to exercise self-restraint, so with infinite regret he broke the kiss and sat back.

"Thank you," whispered Goku, smiling up at him, joy and love burning in his eyes. "That was …amazing. I felt so close to you and it felt so right. I don't ever want to kiss anyone else!"

So innocent and so completely artless. He thought for a moment of some of his own experiences, things he felt shamed and defiled him and wondered how he could ever be worthy of this. Then he realized that he'd never kissed anyone before either, nor had he ever been touched with such respect and tenderness. The kiss was a gift for Goku alone, something that hadn't been taken from Sanzo by force, pure and unsullied to give to his soulmate. Something wounded and broken inside him began to heal, like a spring breeze blowing through a room that had been closed all winter. He touched Goku's cheek.

"Thank _you_, little one. I feel like you've opened me up, thrown open all the doors and windows and that I can breathe again."

"Really? Did it really make things that much clearer?" Goku asked, wonderingly.

"Yes, Saru, it did." He gazed down at his companion with something approximating gratitude.

"Sanzo, didn't you say that Master Hong-yu was in the other room…?"

"Shit! He is too. We don't want him overhearing us and I left him there all on his own when he was obviously worried. I must go back to him, but I won't be too long." Goku nodded his understanding. There was something gentle, centered about him and Sanzo had no desire to leave but he had little choice.

* * *

Hong-yu was standing looking into the fire when Sanzo returned. To his surprise, Sanzo smiled at him.

"How is Dougan coping with this?" He asked, obviously concerned.

"I don't know. I've not seen him since this morning. I locked him in his room. I was so humiliated and angry that I couldn't bear to look at him. To do such a thing…I can't forgive him and I can't forgive myself for not noticing." Hong-yu replied bitterly.

"Stop it, Hong-yu. You didn't know, you didn't catch him at it. End of story. You aren't responsible for what he did without your knowledge. He deceived you. Stop beating yourself up about it. It's a waste of time and energy." Sanzo lit a cigarette.

Hong-yu bowed his head. "This one is very grateful for your understanding."

"That form of address isn't necessary. Please don't use it with me. I prefer to speak plainly. I know you're angry with him, Hong-yu, he's probably hurt you but bear in mind that he's mentally ill and will be gone in a few days. Then he'll either be someone else's problem or he won't be a problem at all."

"Very well, Master Sanzo, he'll remain confined to my quarters but I won't punish him. How is Goku? Was he in any way harmed this morning?"

"No," replied Sanzo "Goku's a very tough little creature physically, he has his issues but he's very brave."

"You're fortunate to have so fine and strong an acolyte. He's a credit to you."

"He is. He's growing up fast. He's not a baby monkey any more."

"Obviously not! I've rarely seen such courage, especially when he could have defended himself so easily! His gentleness and non-violence impressed me greatly."

"He fights in earnest, and often. I doubt any human could defeat him and I think he'd give a powerful youkai a very hard time. But he only does so to defend me or himself and only against a genuine threat. He'd never have fought Dougan because he doesn't see Dougan that way." Sanzo shrugged his elegant shoulders, his white robes shimmering in the firelight. He looked ethereal in his beauty. Hong-yu regarded him with something close to awe. He actually looked like some of the more androgynous images of Kanzeon Bosatsu. Sanzo took a drag from his cigarette and blew the smoke into the air, away from Hong-yu. The gesture was impossibly graceful, the movement of his hand, the turn and lift of his head; exquisite. Hong-yu lowered his head, not wanting to go, but realizing that he needed to leave Sanzo's presence before he said or did something stupid.

"Go to bed, Hong-yu. You look exhausted." Sanzo gave him an astute, owlish glance. "And don't worry. I don't hold you responsible for Dougan's arrant stupidity. Forget it."

"Thank you, Master Sanzo. You're right, of course, I'm tired and should get some sleep." Hong-yu knew when he'd been dismissed. "Goodnight, Master Sanzo."

"Goodnight, Hong-yu."

* * *

Sanzo heaved a deep sigh. He really had trouble dealing with Hong-yu, especially when he praised Goku in such fulsome terms. He understood the man's concern but he hadn't appreciated having his quiet evening interrupted, especially with Goku being so charming. He'd been glad to be able to get the boy out of Hong-yu's way; he still didn't trust him.

But he wasn't going to think about Hong-yu now. Goku was waiting for him, warm and affectionate. The kiss they'd shared a few minutes ago had given Sanzo hope, hope that Goku really did love him, hope that his damaged spirit was salvageable, hope that Goku understood how he felt. The Truth here was so deep that there was no denying it. It simply was what it was. Goku was too young to take this any further now, but Sanzo knew that he was no longer alone, that Goku would be at his side come hell or high water. It occurred to him that in a way they were lovers already, not physically, obviously, but in an emotional sense. The love and caring were there, the intimacy and symbiosis, the protectiveness and friendship, the trust and closeness. All that was missing were the physicalities and Sanzo was more than happy to wait until he was sure that Goku was ready to make his own decisions about that. He wanted Goku to accept him because he wanted him, not because he felt he didn't have the right to refuse.

Goku was still awake, his golden eyes bright in the dim light. He was snuggled down in the quilt, just as Sanzo had left him. Sanzo undressed, put on his sleeping pants and a tee shirt, put out the light and climbed under the quilt. Goku scooted over and snuggled into his side, his head resting on Sanzo's shoulder. Sanzo's arms went around him and Goku made a happy, contented little purring sound.

They would both sleep warm and safe tonight.


	10. Chapter 10

Saiyuki belongs to Minekura Kazuya.

Thankyou so much for the Beta, Kelly!

Warning for violence and you'll probably need toothbrushes as well.

* * *

**Chapter 10: Karuna**

The cry had come in the middle of the night, waking them both.

"Master Sanzo!" The young novice hammered on the door, terror in his voice. "Youkai are attacking the temple and demanding your presence. They want the Maten Sutra and they say they are willing to take it by force, kill everyone in the temple and raze it to the ground if you don't comply!" Goku was out of bed and on his feet in a moment, sharp, alert and ready for battle. He didn't reach for a weapon; he was most effective simply using his hands and feet. Sanzo was right behind him, reaching for his gun, ammunition and the Sutra. He tossed Goku his boots, along with his quilted coat and then he grabbed his own. It was snowing outside and he had no intention of freezing to death. They opened the door seconds later to find the wide eyed child waiting for them.

"How many?" Asked Sanzo shortly, loading his pistol.

"About sixty." replied the child.

"Hmm…a war party or a large bandit gang. And we have about the same number of fully trained warrior monks, plus Goku and myself and those in training. How did they get in?"

"Someone betrayed us and let then in the west gate."

"Someone opened the gate for them? Shit! Where are they?" His gun was loaded now and he was running along the passage, leaving the young messenger behind.

"The concourse! Near the Lady's peach tree…" The novice called after him.

"Go and hide under my desk and don't come out until we've beaten the shit out of these bastards. If the place burns, run straight through the sliding doors, into the garden and make for the forest as fast as you can. And get a warm coat and boots from my wardrobe, you may need them!" He called over his shoulder to the boy.

Goku was running beside him, easily keeping pace, his face slightly flushed but he wasn't even breathing heavily.

* * *

By the time they reached the concourse the youkai war band was already there but there was neither murder, nor mayhem. Other monks were starting to arrive on the scene, many of them armed with halberds, shakujou and spears. Sanzo stood before the invading youkai, gun in hand and the Sutra on his shoulders.

"What the fuck do you assholes mean by waking me at three am?" He snarled before any of them had a chance to speak.

"We're here for the Sutra." said the one who appeared to be leading. "Give it to us and we'll leave you all unharmed. Except that one." He gestured to Goku. "He dies. It's the price of having the gate opened for us. We have to take his corpse back to our friend."

"Fat fucking chance!" spat Sanzo, furiously. "You don't get either. If you've a brain you'll leave now, before I lose my temper. I assume it was Dougan who betrayed us?" Sanzo's voice was icy now.

"Yeah, but knowing that won't do you any good. Oh, and even if we _do_ raze the temple, you're to be captured and kept alive. That was the second part of his payment. But I assure you, we'll kill every other living being within these walls if you resist us. He didn't specify that you have to be delivered to him in good condition or that your little friend has to die quickly." The youkai gave him a nasty smile.

Sanzo met his eyes, unintimidated, and then looked around. There was a contingent of armed warrior monks gathered on both sides of the concourse, backed up by those who had mastered sutras, fudo and other kinds of magic. Sanzo smiled back in kind.

"Do you really think we can't defend ourselves, you bunch of imbecilic morons?"

"I'm sure you can, foul mouthed brat, but that won't save you."

"You think not? Then perhaps you've not encountered a banishing gun before." Sanzo's bullet took him straight through the forehead and he went down in a cloud of dust. The youkai surged forward but Goku was too quick and was in the thick of it in a heartbeat, a small, deadly tornado. Bones crunched, blood sprayed, the youkai fell, left and right. He slashed with his teeth, wielding his small, swift, powerful hands like knives. His feet struck with unerring and deadly accuracy. Sanzo fired away from Goku's mêlée, afraid of hitting him by accident. The monkey was capable of taking care of himself, obviously, but when Sanzo ran out of bullets Goku was in front of him, covering him until he could reload, then he was out of his way again. The warrior monks were defending themselves now as well, with all the skill and speed one would expect of fighters with their extensive training. Those who could not, or chose not to fight were chanting protective sutras and sealing their opponent's movement. Sanzo wished he could buy a little time to use the Maten Sutra. That would, he hoped, take care of the remaining youkai. He tried to catch Goku's eye. He raised his hand to his face for a moment as if to start chanting and Goku got the message. He fell back and defended Sanzo as he began to chant. When Sanzo was almost finished Goku somersaulted over his head and landed behind him, ready so spring into action once more the moment the sutra's streamers had entangled their victims. Unfortunately, Dougan had warned their attackers about how the sutra worked and as soon Sanzo raised his hand and began to chant they scattered, making it more difficult for the streamers to catch and dispose of them. Sanzo swore. They turned as the sutra returned to its accustomed place on Sanzo's shoulders, knowing it would take him several seconds to activate it again and that he was out of bullets until he had a chance to reload.

Goku, standing behind Sanzo's right shoulder, turned and found Hong-yu beside him, laying about him with his shakujou.

"Master Hong-yu, will you guard Sanzo's back for me while I cover him so he can reload, or chant, or whatever he wants to do?" The boy's voice was a hurried whisper in the clamour of the battle. Hong-yu was momentarily taken aback that Goku had this planned out, and that he would commit himself to the most dangerous course of action. Those youkai would be on Sanzo in moments and there were more than a dozen of them. Sanzo, no matter how fine his martial arts skills, couldn't hope to defeat them alone. Hong-yu did as he was told and took up a defensive position at Sanzo's back while Goku somersaulted back over Sanzo's head to land foursquare and deadly, in front of him. Hong-yu could only watch in wonder as Goku leapt, kicked, spun, flipped and sliced at Sanzo's attackers, sending them down like ninepins, as his Master reloaded his revolver. Goku counted off the sound of the bullets going into their chambers, then, as he heard the fifth, he ducked and rolled as Sanzo fired five times over his head without warning. Then he was back on his feet, leaping and spinning again, using him momentum to make up for his lack of height and weight, smart strategy for one so tiny, so fast and with so much energy. Hong-yu was more than impressed. Goku was far more skilled than any human that Hong-yu had ever seen and he was making pretty short work of youkai three times his size. Eventually the last of the youkai gave up, broke and ran.

"Do we let them go?" Goku asked Sanzo, "Or would you like me to track them down?"

"No," replied Sanzo, his voice stonily unemotional. "I want Dougan to know they failed and to be afraid." Then his voice warmed as he looked at Goku's wide eyes and bloodstained face and clothing. "Is any of that blood yours, little one? You did well."

"Nah," said Goku with a big, self-deprecating grin. "They were just useless. They could barely use their weapons and they had no plan, other than to charge. Most of them caved when they figured out we were going to fight back."

Goku was not going to give him a straight answer so Sanzo resolved to draw the boy a bath and wash the blood away himself; just to be sure the monkey wasn't injured. He knew that if Goku was to be his bodyguard he'd have to get used to the idea that the little demon would be injured in his defense but he found that he couldn't be blasé about it.

"They won't be back tonight, so let's get in out of the snow." Hong-yu shivered, he'd been fine while he was fighting but now he was starting to get very cold. He was barefoot and in his night gear. Sanzo nodded curtly. And led them to the Great Hall, where the novices, who hadn't been involved in the battle were dressing wounds, wrapping people up and giving them hot tea and sake. Hong-yu collapsed by the fire, a young novice bringing him sake, blankets and then setting to work rubbing circulation back into his cold, pale feet.

Sanzo turned to a pale, drawn-looking Goku, who was still blood-drenched. Goku's step faltered and he collapsed in a little heap at Sanzo's side. Swiftly Sanzo knelt beside him, pulled aside the bloodstained clothing and found a multitude of small wounds, covering Goku's body. Mere scratches, really, nothing to cause this kind of reaction. Then he realised. It had been at least seven hours since Goku had eaten and that vast amount of expended energy had to be replaced somehow. He sent one of the novices for some food for the monkey and the kid hurried away. Tales of Goku's skill and courage had spread through the place like wildfire and the younger novices were eager to help. He was one of their own who had suddenly, magically, become a hero. They came back with whatever they could find in the kitchen and Sanzo gave them one of his rare smiles and began to feed Goku.

"So hungry, Sanzo…" He whispered.

"I know, you used a huge amount of energy and you're paying now. Don't talk. Eat." He turned to one of the little novices, standing around concerned. "Would you please go to my chambers and run him a hot bath?"

The kid smiled and pattered off towards their rooms at a swift trot. Goku ate like he hadn't seen food in a month. He ate anything that was brought to him, rice, noodles, vegetables, tofu, fruit, and sweets. Slowly he began to look less pale, pinched and exhausted. Eventually he drew a deep breath and thanked the children who'd been raiding the kitchen for him and settled back against Sanzo's shoulder.

"You finished?" Sanzo asked, Goku nodded. "Then let's go and get the blood washed off, then maybe we'll be able to get back to sleep."

"Did you get hurt, Sanzo? I thought I caught them all but a couple of them were pretty quick." Goku's topaz eyes were wide and anxious, hoping he hadn't let Sanzo down.

"I'm fine, Saru, they didn't land a single blow on me. You did a fine job" Goku grinned. He'd done his job well and protected his best friend. Strange, he realized that he didn't think of Sanzo as his Master, but as someone far more important, his friend and soulmate and one day, perhaps, if he was very fortunate, his lover.

"Are many of the others hurt?"

"There are some in the infirmary but nobody is seriously injured. Our monks may not have been as strong as the youkai but they were better organised and well trained. We managed to kill many of them with minor damage to ourselves. Much of that is due to you. You frightened them and distracted them as well as attacking them directly. That gave us an edge." Sanzo's voice was quiet, approving, and affectionate. "Well done." Goku blushed and his head fell forwards so his bangs hid his face. "Can you stand?"

"Sure." The monkey replied, scrambling to his feet, still a little shakily. Sanzo steadied him.

"Then let's get out of here. Everything's well under control."

* * *

The water in the big tub was just the right temperature and the scent of sandalwood floated up through the steam. Goku, freshly sponged, with his cuts and scrapes treated and his long hair floating, sat opposite Sanzo, up to his neck in the warm, friendly water. Sanzo was tired. It was five am and the warm water was relaxing him into sleepiness. He doubted very much that they'd see the youkai again. Certainly not before they'd licked their wounds and waited for reinforcements. Dougan was out there somewhere, probably with the youkai. Why on earth had he chosen youkai as his allies? Had they captured him and been prepared to do a deal? Information about and access to the temple in return for Goku's murder and Sanzo's capture? Maybe he'd convinced them to leave the rest of the monks alone, once they had the scripture. He had no way of knowing, as matters stood.

Goku was watching him in the dim light with his huge amber eyes. Why the hell was he ruminating about Dougan when he had the rare opportunity to share a bath with Goku. He was downright proud of the monkey. He'd seen Goku fight before but never against so many opponents and never with such inhuman, indeed, inyoukai, speed and skill. Neither human, youkai, or god. Unique. They had also been able to work very closely as a team with Goku constantly watching him out of the corner of his eye, always aware of him, doing his share of the planning.

With a mischievous grin Goku, stood up, reached for the shampoo and tipped a little over Sanzo's head and then buried his small fingers in his friend's hair, working up a lather. Goku's strong, firm fingers felt blissful against his scalp and Sanzo closed his eyes and tipped his head back. Goku's fingers worked carefully, starting at the back of his neck, working up the back and sides of his head to the crown and then forward to the front and temples. The boy had magic fingers! He could feel weeks of stress, anger and irritation melt away as Goku went instinctively over each of his pressure points in the right order. He moaned almost inaudibly and felt Goku smile. He opened his eyes and found himself looking straight into Goku's. His pupils were dilated with the dim light and his irises glowed deep, rich gold. The smile lingered kindly as Goku reached for the dipper and, tipping Sanzo's head right back, so as not to let the soapy water run into his eyes, poured warm water over his hair to rinse away the shampoo. Then, to Sanzo's infinite delight, Goku started again with the conditioner. He slumped happily into the water, as Goku knelt next to him on the bench on which they both rested. When Goku was finished Sanzo sank completely under the water, his blond hair floating out. He surfaced smiling, relaxed and clear-eyed.

"Thank you, Saru, that was very kind. I feel more relaxed than I have in months."

Goku smiled with just a hint of mischief. "Isn't that what all attendants do for their masters?" His voice was both slightly teasing and very affectionate.

"No," replied Sanzo "it's what a friend would do." His voice was serious but his eyes smiled. Goku leaned forward and quickly kissed the end of his nose. His ki surrounded Sanzo, along with the sweet freshness of his breath.

"Would a friend do that?" Goku asked, still affectionate but no longer teasing. He was testing the limits, very gently. He didn't want to spook Sanzo or make him uncomfortable, he knew his friend was damaged, that he feared emotional intimacy but he was also sure that Sanzo loved him and that if he was careful he could, perhaps, find a way underneath the prickles and sooth his fear.

Sanzo smiled as Goku pulled away.

"That takes more than just a friend." He answered, voice low.

"Who would it be, Sanzo?" He sank back down into the warm water, his glowing eyes meeting Sanzo's. He could hear Sanzo's heart beating faster.

"You know, Goku. Just you. Nobody else." He caught Goku's chin and brushed his lips against the monkey's, just a touch, gentle suction and then he pulled away.

"I'm so glad!" He leaned against Sanzo's side and the monk's arm went around his shoulders. Goku sighed happily and closed his eyes, drowsing in the warm water.

"Come on, little one, your falling asleep. Bed!" Sanzo lifted him out of the tub and sat him on the surrounding decking before getting out himself, wrapping the youth in a huge and fluffy towel and pulling on his own bathrobe. He carried Goku into the fire lit bedroom and set him down by the fire. The monkey grinned at him and started to dry himself off. Sanzo found himself having to look away but also found he didn't want to one bit. Sanzo turned away as he dried off and got ready for bed, aware of Goku's eyes on him. He turned back to find Goku in his pajamas but his hair was still dripping. Sanzo laughed.

"You forgot to dry your hair, Saru. Here…" he picked up the towel and rubbed Goku's hair dry, leaving it sticking out at odd angles from his head. Goku looked up and gave him a smile that positively lit up the room. Sanzo swooped on him, picked him up and put him to bed. Goku giggled and snuggled up as Sanzo joined him. Then he quieted and became still, his head against Sanzo's shoulder. After a moment or two he looked up.

"You said the other day that you'd travelled, searching for the Seiten scripture alone and that it'd been really hard." Goku's voice was very soft, almost a whisper. "I wish I'd been with you, so that I could've protected you and you wouldn't have been all alone. Maybe some of those bad things wouldn't have happened to you."

And suddenly Sanzo wished for that too. Wished he'd found Goku earlier. The boy may have been an innocent but even straight out of that cave he'd been a fierce and amply competent fighter. His joy and pleasure at his freedom would have affected Koryuu's spirits as well. It would have been good to have a companion, especially Goku.

"Oh, Saru, I wish that too!" He hugged the monkey close.

"We can't remake the past but I want you to always know this: you're loved and you are never alone."


	11. Chapter 11

**Saiyuki belongs to Minekura Kazuya.**

**Thank you for the beta, Kelly!**

**This is for gerigirl, who raised some interesting questions in reviews. I hope this answers them.**

* * *

**Chapter 11: Heart and Mind  
**

Sanzo woke first. It was late, much later than usual. The fire had burned down but the room was still warm. The light was grey and the room still but for the last crackles of the fire. He looked down at Goku, still fast asleep in his arms. His face was completely relaxed, a slight smile on his lips, as his head rested against Sanzo's chest. He looked so sweet and gentle that for a moment Sanzo forgot his ferocity earlier that morning. Then he remembered how strong and brave the little creature had been, how fierce Goku had been in his defense and how deadly. Sanzo smiled crookedly. Goku knew him better than anyone and still loved him. He'd been so used to thinking himself unlovable, cold and damaged that the thought of someone as pure and as innocent as Goku loving him made him feel as if he was stretching long cramped, withered limbs, feeling blood and life return to them. He lay still, feeling Goku's warmth and weight in his arms. The boy had changed everything. For the first time since Sanzo had been a child he was thinking of a possible future. He was living for more than to find the Seiten Sutra. He wanted to be with Goku. Whatever future he had, he wanted Goku to be part of it, to share it with him.

Goku snuggled closer and Sanzo had a sense of incredulity that he could make the boy feel so safe that he would sleep in his arms, unhesitatingly, and with such pleasure. So trusting. At his age Sanzo would never even have considered having that much trust in anyone. He'd been so defensive that he'd have shot at anything he felt threatened him and asked questions later. He was glad that he was able to give Goku a far happier adolescence than he'd had himself, that Goku could afford to be the loving, trusting creature he was. Goku had more than carried his weight last night. He'd behaved like a hero and really shown his mettle, proved himself a valuable and loyal member of the temple. People would never see him as a troublesome child again. He'd won his place. Then Dougan's words the other day came back to him, the suggestion that Goku was his pupil and successor. That wasn't as crazy as it sounded. Was Goku capable of carrying a scripture? Sanzo wasn't sure. He had the strength to protect it, he didn't want it, he wasn't ambitious, he was kind and compassionate and he was beginning to show considerable intelligence. If he hadn't been bright, Sanzo wouldn't even have considered him as a possible partner. Was being…whatever he was… a problem? Not if a scripture chose him. He thought for a moment of Goku's name, "Understands Emptiness". Shit, the Muten! He shook his head and told himself not to be stupid. He was theorizing ahead of his data but the idea would not go away. Ukoku was not a true Sanzo. He'd not been chosen by the Muten and he carried no chakra. It was more like he'd stolen or abducted it, after murdering its previous protector. Hmmm…He'd also wondered, even when he'd met Ukoku as a child, why Koumyou had been so fond of the man. Sanzo had never liked or trusted him.

Goku started to stir, his fingers catching on Sanzo's tee-shirt. His soft tawny hair tickled Sanzo's chin and he sighed happily. Gods! thought Sanzo, it must be good to face each new day with that happy sigh! It made Sanzo feel happy as well. Goku's arms, which had been folded against his chest, made their way, slowly, sleepily, about Sanzo's neck. Goku made a small sound and nestled his face against Sanzo's shoulder as if inhaling his scent. Sanzo rested his hand against the boy's hair, allowing himself to stroke its shining softness. It was then that Sanzo felt a hardness against his abdomen as Goku shifted slightly. He was still half asleep and the reaction was obviously completely unconscious. Goku probably wasn't even aware of it. No big deal, Goku was just growing up and this was to be expected. He was glad, in a way, that Goku was relaxed, warm and comfortable enough for this to happen.

Goku slowly opened his eyes, his pupils were huge, black, fathomless, ringed with the brightest, purest gold and his silky, auburn hair fell across them. Then a shadow of puzzlement crossed them and two little creases appeared between his eyebrows. Sanzo waited patiently for the inevitable question.

"Sanzo, I'm all…stiff…down there. Is that normal or is something wrong with me?"

"It's perfectly all right, Saru. It just means you're growing up and you're a normal, healthy young man." He smiled with just a touch of mischief. "Some guys refer to it as EMP…early morning penis."

"So it's really common and it's OK?" Sanzo could almost taste the youth's relief and felt a pang at not having warned him and caused him anxiety.

"It happens to us all, Saru." He replied, reassuringly.

"Even you?"

"Even me!" Sanzo laughed. "I'm as human as the next man! When it first happened, Koumyou gave me a book that explained it. I'll find it for you so you can have a look at it."

"Thanks Sanzo, you're the best!" He rubbed his head, catlike against Sanzo's chin, no longer anxious but affectionate and completely trusting. It would be so easy for Sanzo to take advantage, he knew that, but he also knew that he'd die before doing so. "Hey! It's going away…"

"It will the first few times but then you'll have to start taking care of it. The book will explain how."

"You can't teach me?"

"No, not this time, little one." Sanzo replied, gently. This was a positive minefield!

"Why not? I'd rather you teach me than learn from a book. You're my guardian after all and my best friend. Who else would I turn to?"

Oh, that really wasn't playing fair! But there was no way Sanzo could give in and live with himself. He'd just have to be honest and explain. He bit his lip. Goku picked up on his ambivalence and gave him an opening.

"Is it something bad? I mean, if you showed me how, would that be wrong somehow?" Goku's eyes were suddenly sharp, reading him carefully.

"Only because you're so young. I'd be taking advantage of you and you're far too important to me for me to do that." Sanzo didn't think he was doing too well with this.

"So it's something that's sexual and I'm too young for you to be comfortable with it?" Sanzo nodded, feeling quite distressed. Goku smiled. "It's OK, Sanzo, I get it now." He snuggled up comfortingly so Sanzo would be sure that it really was alright. Then he smiled slightly mischievously up at his friend. "But you know that neither of us really has any idea how old I am. I was five hundred years in that cave and I can't remember anything before that so technically I'm a lot older that you are!" He kissed the end of Sanzo's nose, obviously teasing.

"It's not a question of your chronological age, Saru. It's about whether you're ready, a question of psychological development, whether or not you can say yes or no and mean it. Whether or not you're comfortable asking for what you want and need. It's far too easy in an environment like this for younger partners to feel pressured into relationships they don't want because they don't want to offend their masters and they feel it's expected of them."

"Sanzo, I'll wait for as long as it takes to convince you. I don't see you as my master, though. Not the way most of the acolytes do. I'm not afraid of you; I'm here because I love you and want to be with you. That's all. I'm not interested in being a monk, or your pupil or your successor. I'm not human so those possibilities aren't open to me anyway. I just want to be here with you." His voice was serious and a little shy. Sanzo looked down at him, there was no pretense, nothing hidden, and he wasn't trying to convince Sanzo, just explain how things were for him. For a moment Sanzo was sorely tempted but then his own issues surfaced and his eyes clouded. "What's the matter Sanzo? You just drew away from me. Did I say the wrong thing?"

"No, Goku, it's just my own shit coming back to haunt me. You didn't say anything wrong." Goku reached up and laid a warm, small hand against Sanzo's angular cheek. It was very comforting and Sanzo leaned into the touch.

"Tell me, if you want to." Goku whispered, aware that something was deeply wrong.

"Lots of things happened to me when I was your age, things I don't want to think about, things that still hurt. I don't want you to experience even the tiniest echo of what happened to me."

"What are you trying to tell me, Sanzo?" His voice was incredibly gentle. The warm fingers caressed Sanzo's cheek.

"Little one, I can't talk about it, but it means that I have to be absolutely certain that you're 'old' enough to want this, that you choose me, that you don't feel that I control you, or that it's expected of you because of the way the other hypocritical bastards around here behave." There was complete contempt in his voice for those of his priestly colleagues who abused the young novices and acolytes. "It must be because you want to and for no other reason. I'm not sure that's the case yet. You're just too 'young' for me to be certain."

Goku clung closer, his fingers in Sanzo's hair as he whispered him his ear:

"My love is unsure,  
He must know my heart and mind.  
I will open myself."

His voice was tender; he would give Sanzo whatever he wanted. Sanzo knew he had to turn him down this time. Goku's trust was humbling, Sanzo loved and respected him and that was the reason he had to wait. He couldn't risk Goku misunderstanding him, though. This was 'wait', not 'no'. He put his thoughts together to answer Goku's haiku.

"My Saru is trusting,  
The innocence stolen from me,  
I would save in him."

Goku smiled. "So we wait; we get closer in other ways. I won't risk hurrying you and having you unhappy, feeling guilty or opening old wounds, but understand, Sanzo, that I'm your lover now. Sex can wait as long as necessary but I love you and I want you to know that." Sanzo blinked. That didn't sound like a fourteen year old, not at all! "You're the Sun in my sky, but you've known that all along! Sanzo…may I kiss you?"

Sanzo nodded and Goku wrapped his arms tighter about his neck, drawing his body up. He gazed into Sanzo's eyes for several seconds, reading his companion's feelings and then leaned in, his slightly open lips pressed to Sanzo's. They were warm, firm and surprisingly assertive. It seemed the most normal, natural thing in the world for Sanzo to respond by opening his own. Goku moaned at his response, his breath fresh, tasting of summer and peaches and was closely followed by an inquisitive, exploratory tongue. Although Sanzo had nothing with which to compare, except his own, it didn't feel quite like a human tongue and the more Goku explored the less like a human tongue it seemed. It was flatter and slightly pointed and the texture of roughened velvet. It was also incredibly agile, teasing unintentionally, caressing, soothing, arousing. It felt so good that Sanzo moaned hungrily, holding Goku tightly and tenderly. Goku's strong, small fingers tangled in Sanzo's hair as he sought to deepen the kiss, to touch, feel, taste, experience. Sanzo couldn't possibly resist, opened his mouth wider and allowed Goku to explore as he chose. Goku didn't hesitate. He spoke with that tongue, without saying a word. He spoke of loneliness and belonging, of freedom and joy, of love and physical desire, of tenderness and strength. Goku didn't hurry; he took his time and savored every moment, every sensation. Somehow that was more exciting than anything Sanzo could have imagined. Goku was learning him. The taste, the scent, the feel, the essence of the diminutive elemental was wonderfully overwhelming and Sanzo could feel his control starting to slip. Goku was so seductive, so sexually powerful and he wasn't even aware of it He was just exploring, trying to figure out all of these new, vast and potent feelings. If he didn't stop Goku now he may not want to stop at all and they'd go much further than he considered Goku was ready for. Goku's welfare was paramount and there was no way Sanzo would compromise it. With great regret and gentleness he withdrew, pushing Goku away.

"You're such a temptation, Saru! And you don't have the slightest idea; you're far too innocent for that." He ran gentle fingers through Goku's hair, caressing one smooth cheek. If a single kiss could have this effect on him, how would it be to make love with the little elemental?

"Me? A temptation? I'm just your baka saru, Sanzo. You led me out of my prison and into the sunlight. After five hundred years! You gave me the whole world and now this? There's nothing I wouldn't do for you and yet you say that I'm the one who's tempting?"

"In a way you did something similar for me, so don't underestimate yourself. It was the sound of your voice calling to me that saved me from the madness caused by my wanderings, your innocence that reminded me that it still existed, in spite of the fact that that I'd lost my own long ago. It was your enthusiasm for life and freedom that brought my dead eyes back to life and enabled me to truly see again. It runs both ways, Saru. We saved one another."

Goku's beautiful topaz eyes gazed across at him. "That's so much more than I'd hoped for." Sanzo looked back at him. So now that truth was out in the open, too. There really was equality here. Everything they'd done for one another was reciprocal. The debts cancelled one another out. Neither was in debt to the other, both were free. All that truly bound them was love and friendship and Sanzo was starting to wonder if they were two separate things. He could feel the sexual tension thrumming between them, constant background noise in their relationship, and Sanzo had no idea how he was going to find the strength, the stubbornness to resist this if Goku made it clear that he really wanted him and felt he was ready. Surely the person most aware of the state of Goku's heart and mind was their possessor.

* * *

Gojyo and Hakkai showed up that afternoon. They came as soon as they had heard about the attack on the temple. The story Hakkai and Gojyo had picked up, during their shopping trip to the village was garbled. Something about a youkai army and a tiny protective spirit who'd guarded the monks fiercely and put the demons to flight. Goku. It just had to be.

Of course, they wanted the true story, so they made their way swiftly through the snowy woods towards the temple.

Gojyo had been out the night before and he was tired, slouching along with his hands in his pockets and his bright hair covered by his hood. Hakkai was more alert. If there had been fighting at the temple last night the assailants may have come this way but he soon found that in all but a few very sheltered places the fresh fall of snow had obliterated all traces of their passage. He could pick up their scent, though, in those still, quiet places, see footprints and traces of blood on the ground and frozen into the snow. The scent was mostly youkai and yet there was the scent of a familiar human, too. He just couldn't quite place it. He stood, thinking, trying to figure it out and found Gojyo beside him. He threw an arm about Hakkai's shoulder and drew him close, ostensibly for warmth, although Hakkai was beginning to suspect Gojyo had other reasons for this desire for physical contact. In spite of the many mononoke that resided in his mind, Hakkai took great comfort from Gojyo's closeness.

"What are you picking up, 'Kai?" Gojyo asked, deep crimson eyes full of concern.

"They came this way; I can smell them and feel their ki. They seem to have had a human hostage, someone familiar…"

"Oh fuck!" Gojyo growled. "Any idea who?"

Hakkai stood completely motionless for several seconds, reaching out. "It's Sanzo's young servant, Dougan." He finally replied.

"This just gets worse…but why haven't we seen anyone looking for him? The woods are deserted. Surely if one of their own had been abducted they'd be searching?"

"That's what I'd like to know." Replied Hakkai grimly, his green eyes clouded. "Maybe he wasn't abducted. Or maybe things are worse than we thought and there's nobody fit to search."

"In which case, we'd better move it!" Gojyo started to run.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12: A Million Hands**

Goku washed, dressed, and, as Sanzo looked for the book he'd promised him, went to get them a late breakfast. As he passed one of Kanzeon Bosatsu's chapels he had the urge to go inside and talk to her. He had a lot on his mind and felt the need to talk it through. Se was kind, or so the monks said, so perhaps se wouldn't mind being a sounding board for his tumbled thoughts. He closed the door, so nobody would disturb him and decided to ask for her advice directly, as if the statue, golden, with ivory clothing and lapis lazuli hair, was a real person.

"I love him, Bosatsu, but he thinks of me as a child who doesn't know what he wants and maybe in some ways I don't, but I sure about _this_, more sure than I've ever been about anything." And to his immense astonishment the image's eyes came to life and gazed back at him, deep blue and lustrous. Then the statue spoke to him kindly.

"Do you understand what it is you're asking for? Just what you're offering to share with him?" Goku's eyes widened.

"You can really speak through the statue? I thought that was just a …what's the word?" His eyes were wide and there was wonder on his face.

"Metaphor. Usually it is, but I find you very entertaining, so when you spoke to me, I came!" The statue smiled mischievously and shifted to a more comfortable position, with one graceful, golden foot hanging just above the floor. Se leaned forward on hir lotus pedestal, hir lapis lazuli hair falling about hir face in ordered ringlets.

"Wow!" Said Goku "You're much prettier when you relax and I can see a bit of who you are! It's so much easier to walk up to you and talk with you now than when you were a stiff, formal statue!"

Kanzeon laughed. "And you, my dear, are a tiny charmer! No wonder he resists so hard for fear of taking you too young and hurting you. He had a _very _soft spot for you in his last life. I can see that hasn't changed!"

"He said we had a karmic bond and I believe him, but coming from you it seems more…real somehow."

"I imagine it might!" Kanzeon smiled again. "He loves you as much as you love him and the fact that he waits is an expression of that, so be patient, little one, and you'll have everything you want and more. Are you sure you understand what you're asking for? Are you certain you're ready for the sexual aspect of this?" Se swung that slim, golden foot, the carved, ivory draperies, sliding over hir golden skin as se moved.

"I feel ready. I'm impatient at having to wait, although I do appreciate why he's doing it."

"Goku, dear, he's right. Emotionally you're just a shade too young. A few months and you'll feel grateful that he waited; you'll enjoy it much more and feel much safer. He has his own fears to deal with as well, so be mindful of that. You're a sensitive little creature and I know you love him and wouldn't want to pressure him when he's trying so hard to deal with his own past." Se reached out and ruffled Goku's hair affectionately.

"My Lady, what happened to him? Somebody hurt him really badly but he won't tell me how and if he doesn't I can't help him." Goku's eyes were full of concern for his beloved's pain.

"Ah, but you arehelping, that's the point, without even realizing it. Just by showing him you love him, you heal him. It shamed him so deeply he felt as if he had it branded on his forehead, the blood guilt, the shame, the sense of violation. Every time you touch him you help him, every time you show him that kindly nature of yours, every time you're gentle and sensitive you heal him a tiny bit. Every time you show him that no matter what happened, you'll love him anyway. So go on doing it and be patient. Show him compassion and gentleness and he'll reward you amply. Don't think this is all about you, Sweetie, it's as much about his own issues as your youth."

"You haven't answered my question."

"I answered the one you didn't ask directly. The other isn't my question to answer. He needs to tell you himself. That's part of his healing process and he needs an immediate, honest response from you, not one that you've thought through. He'll tell you, I'm sure, when he thinks you can deal with it." Se pulled Goku towards hir, allowing him to sit next to hir on hir lotus throne, and then se shimmied around so se could face him. He looked up at hir, admiring hir strong, fine features, and then the resemblance struck him.

"Is it just by chance that you look so much like him, my Lady?" He looked up at hir, puzzled. Se looked taken aback, as if the question was unexpected. He was far sharper than se'd given him credit for.

"No, it's not. He was once my nephew. In a way he still is but that's as much as I can tell you about that, to tell you more would affect decisions and attitudes that you need to develop spontaneously."

There was silence for a moment or two and Kanzeon waited, knowing Goku had at least one more question he needed to ask.

"I'm not sure what to do about Dougan." He said finally. "Sanzo thinks he's thrown his lot in with a youkai bandit gang. I'm not so sure. He hates youkai so much it seems really out of character for him to have anything to do with them."

Kanzeon was silent for a moment, wondering how to say what se had to without hurting Goku's feelings.

"Maybe they captured him and he offered them information in return for his safety and found he was in a position to bargain for your death and Sanzo's capture. I wasn't watching him but that seems like a reasonable assumption."

"That's the only explanation I can come up with, my Lady. I can't see him voluntarily joining a youkai gang. He hates us."

Se sighed and put an arm about his shoulder, the gold of hir arm felt warm through his shirt.

"He does, but that's mostly because he thinks you're a youkai and you're in his way. He wants Sanzo, but Sanzo loves you. If another band of youkai promised to get rid of you and bring Sanzo to him, then I'm sure he'd do a deal with them."

"And, of course, he thinks I've cast a spell on Sanzo to make him love me, so if I was dead the spell would be broken and he thinks Sanzo would love him instead. It's a circular argument, until he kills me and Sanzo still doesn't love him, he can't be proven wrong." Goku looked up at hir, his eyes wide and sad. "I wish I could set him free of this delusion. He'd leave us alone and he'd be so much happier. As it is he's completely miserable, furiously angry and I really worry about him." His compassion for Dougan shone from his eyes and Kanzeon was touched. He was a really good kid. Dougan had harassed Goku, accused him, threatened his life and attempted to kill him twice and still Goku was more concerned with Dougan's state of mind than anger at his behaviour.

"Goku, now listen to me because this is very important. He will _never _be proven wrong because he can never kill you. The conditions under which you can die are almost impossible to fulfill. You are the Earth's child and you are as eternal as she is. You are the Seiten Taisei, the embodiment of her power, although you can't access it all yet, just a tiny bit." Se touched the end of his nose affectionately.

He gazed back at hir with astonishment. "So the stories about me are actually true? I knew I was different but…I thought they were all exaggerated, made up stories to tell around a fire on cold winter nights."

"Some of them are true. Some are propaganda and lies, some are misunderstandings, so be careful what you believe, Little One."

"Why do I go mad when I change?" His golden eyes were huge and beseeching.

"The Sage," Se touched his cheek "is mad with loneliness. In order to keep you sane during your imprisonment, he took the madness upon himself. He split your personality in two in order to protect you. Now you're free and he's in contact with you again, he'll start to calm down but it will be some time until he's sane again. Give him time, he'll come around." Se smiled. Goku felt stunned, so much new information about himself. It would take weeks for him to assimilate it all. Still, assimilate it he would and he would use it to protect Sanzo. Kanzeon's head turned swiftly, as if se was listening.

"Goku, your friends are at the gate. They're concerned about you. You should go to them and let them know you're all right. I'll be here when next you need to speak to me" Suddenly, the golden goddess was a statue again.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13: Credit**

**Saiyuki belongs to Minekura Kazuya.**

**Thank you for the beta, Kelly!**

Sanzo heard voices outside the door. Goku laughing embarrassed Gojyo teasing and Hakkai being soothing. Goku was carrying a tray heaped with food along with a huge pot of tea, which he set on a small lacquered table by the fireplace, and then he knelt and started to serve the food and pour the tea. He was very careful, trying not to spill anything and handing the dishes to everyone correctly and in the proper order, obviously trying to be a good attendant. Sanzo watched him with a half-smile, Goku's efforts by no means lost on him. The others looked a little puzzled as well. Goku hardly seemed the unruly child he'd been just a couple of weeks ago. When he was done he settled on a cushion at Sanzo's feet and ate his own portion.

"So what happened last night? The place looks like a battlefield" Hakkai asked "There are stories all over town about how a little spirit saved the day. That wouldn't have been you, by any chance, would it?" He smiled at Goku.

"Nah, I just helped out. It was mostly the monks, they were amazing. And Sanzo's sharp shooting!" Goku laughed, self-deprecatingly.

"No Goku," Sanzo's hand rested on Goku's head. "Credit is going where it's due. You dealt with more than half of them, you planned and worked with myself and Hong-yu as part of a team and I've never seen such finely honed martial arts. You were astonishing!" Sanzo's pride shone from his eyes. Goku blushed a very fetching shade of pink and looked back at him, glowingly.

"Wow," commented Gojyo "am I hearing what I think I'm hearing? You're praising the monkey?" Sanzo shot him a dirty look but Hakkai was more focused.

"Sanzo, I picked up their trail in the forest. Dougan was with them. Why isn't there a search party out looking for him?" Hakkai's eyes were sharp and he expected answers.

Goku surprised them by answering. "Because he's the one who opened the gates, who gave them the information they needed to get into the temple. He's joined them. That's why."

"How do you know they didn't abduct him and force him to help them?" replied Hakkai.

Sanzo fingers buried themselves in Goku's hair and Goku looked up at him.

"We have been having trouble with Dougan for some time." Sanzo gazed into the fire, sipping his tea. "We haven't yet decided what to do about him. I have an appointment with the Abbot in a few minutes, so we can decide. I'm quite sure that this was voluntary."

"What kind of trouble?" Hakkai was on the scent now. Goku looked up at Sanzo again.

"He's been stalking Sanzo." He didn't mention the letters, or the murder attempts.

"He tried to kill Goku once, in front of witnesses and the attack on the temple was an attempt to seize the Maten on the part of the youkai, _they_ told us that Dougan had made a deal with them. That he opened the gate and betrayed us. He probably warned them about Goku, as well, but they still weren't prepared for him. In return they'd kill Goku and capture me." Sanzo continued.

"Why would he try to kill the saru?" asked Gojyo.

"Because he was obsessed with Sanzo and believed that I'd cast some kind of spell on him to force him to love me and that underneath the spell it was him that Sanzo loved. He believes that by killing me he can free Sanzo."

Gojyo laughed in disbelief, but Hakkai frowned. Sanzo looked down at the top of Goku's head and at his own hand, resting in the auburn hair and Goku rested his head against the priest's knee. The affection between them was obvious now, it had been present but much more restrained before. Hakkai watched them knowingly. This had forced them to acknowledge what lay between them. Or rather, it had forced Sanzo to acknowledge it. Goku had known all along, he'd just been too young to understand. He certainly understood now.

"So the crotchety monk has an admirer." teased Gojyo, unwisely.

"Not an admirer, a stalker, shithead! Don't you know the difference?" Sanzo hissed, his eyes flashing furiously, as he reached for his gun. Hakkai, ever the peacemaker, stepped into the breach.

"Then in all probability," he said "this isn't over. Though what other possible weapons a child like that could have at his disposal is rather dubious."

"You wouldn't have said that if you'd been here last night." Sanzo's voice was sharp.

"Sanzo, I should go and find him. What if they turn on him? They could kill him." Goku looked up at him, wide-eyed. "If there's likely to be another attack we need to know that, as well. They didn't get the sutra, but what if someone commissioned them to steal it and they try again? I'd rather catch them before they do."

The last time a sutra was stolen its guardian was murdered; Sanzo didn't have to be reminded of that. Goku was being proactive, planning, as he had last night, trying to head off a similar situation. Goku, however, was not Koryuu. No sneak, midnight attack would work with the itan around. Anyone who tried it was asking to be slaughtered. No, it wasn't his ability to protect Sanzo physically that Goku doubted, but his ability to protect him from its _psychological_ effects. He preferred to face the threat outside the temple, without Sanzo present.

"If you'd like, Goku, I'll come with you." Hakkai suggested, guessing Goku's reasoning. "Between us it'll be easier to track them down. We can get Dougan back and find out how many there are and if they're a threat. Then we can come up with a defense for the temple if we need it. You did really well last night but if this is likely to happen again we need to be organized and ready for them."

"We?" asked Sanzo, with a raised eyebrow.

"If you want our help, of course. Another couple of youkai on your side can only be a help."

Sanzo met his eyes for a moment and then nodded. "Thanks, we really have no way of knowing how many there are or when they'll be back and if they've been commissioned to do this, they _will_ be back. We were fortunate this time, they had no idea how dangerous Goku is. Dougan had never seen him fight in earnest. He'd watched us spar but you'd slowed down your attacks and pulled your punches with me, didn't you, Saru?" He looked down at Goku, both proud and chagrinned.

"Well, yeah…" Goku looked embarrassed "but you were still really good. I've never met a human half as strong or fast as you."

"It's OK, Goku, there's no need to spare my ego." Sanzo sighed. "You deserve recognition for what you've done; you saved all our asses last night."

Hakkai looked from one to the other. They'd both grown a great deal in a short space of time, the bond between them was almost palpable. Time to stop treating Goku as a child. He needed to make plans concerning his education. Goku needed to spend time in a class with people his own age. Hakkai had little doubt that he could keep up with them. In some areas he was well ahead. Hakkai would continue to tutor him in the areas that were his specialty but it was time for Goku to spend time in a classroom. Back to the matter at hand.

"When should we go?" asked Hakkai.

"I'd like to speak to the abbot first. I should be coming with you, as well, I can't stay here. This is my responsibility." Sanzo sounded determined. "Besides, I think Dougan may be more prepared to return if I'm with you, even if he _has_ thrown his lot in with the youkai."

Goku bit his lip; he should have anticipated this. Still, better out there than in here; that way they had more control. Better to stalk than be stalked. It would also give them a chance to practice working as a team, so perhaps it wasn't such a bad thing after all.

There was a knock on the door as the abbot arrived. Goku set him a chair by the fire and poured him a cup of tea, smiling at him with bright-eyed affection. He'd always been fond of the elderly abbot and now they were friends. Goku was well and truly a part of the temple community.

"What do you wish to do, Master Sanzo?" The abbot asked, as Goku returned to his cushion.

"Goku and Hakkai have pointed out that Dougan may have been coerced into helping the youkai and that even if he did help them voluntarily they may still kill him. His life's in danger so we need to go and extract him." Sanzo's voice was unemotional and matter of fact. The abbot nodded, a slight smile on his face. "We'll go and bring him back and find out if we're still under threat. If we are we can lay whatever plans are necessary. Obviously, we can't leave him. They may turn on him or he may trade more of our secrets. We must find him and then move him far away. He's too dangerous to keep here."

"Very well, Master Sanzo, bring him back and I shall consult the Sanbutsushin about the best course of action after that. Take care, my friends, you can't really be certain of what you're going to find out there."

Twenty minutes later, warmly dressed, with Goku carrying food and hot drinks, the four of them headed out into the cold, snowy afternoon.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14: Mercury Falling**

It was cold. The bare branches of the trees reached for the lowering sky. It would snow heavily tonight. Sanzo hoped it would hold off until they returned to the temple. Goku paced confidently along at his side, bright in his patchwork coat, his eyes sparkling with cold and exercise and his auburn hair spilling out of his hood. Hakkai and Gojyo were maybe half a dozen paces ahead and Sanzo knew that both Goku and Hakkai were following the youkai's scent. Nobody spoke; they were all too busy listening.

Suddenly Goku touched his arm, catching his attention. "I'm going up to see what I can see." He gestured to the branches overhead. Sanzo nodded. Goku knew what he was doing and Sanzo wasn't about to interfere. Goku ran three steps and leapt up, catching the lowest branch of the tree just ahead of them, and then effortlessly pulled himself up before starting to climb with all the skill and confidence one would expect of a monkey. He was graceful and sinuous and Sanzo watched for several seconds with sheer delight. Goku looked down at his upturned face and blew him a kiss. Sanzo chuckled. Hakkai and Gojyo stopped and turned to see Sanzo standing at the foot of the tree watching Goku climb.

"Can you see anything?" asked Sanzo.

"There's a fire up ahead. I can see and smell the smoke of a cooking fire from up here. I think it's where the caves are. You know the ones deep in the forest, where the monks sometimes go to meditate. It could just be folks cutting wood but it could easily be the youkai hiding out." Goku replied.

"Any movement?" Sanzo looked up at him.

"Lots of animals searching for food, deer, foxes, mice. People cutting wood and hunting. Some of them are youkai. I can't pick up their scent, the smoke obscures it." Goku's voice was thoughtful.

"If there was no smoke do you think you'd be able to pick up their scent?" Sanzo asked wonderingly.

"That would depend on the wind. Maybe. If it's in this quarter, probably."

"How were you tracking them before?" Sanzo was starting to get some kind of idea as to the extent of Goku's abilities.

"The scent of the blood they shed as they ran last night. It was buried in the snow but I can still smell it. So can Hakkai. I wasn't picking up the scent of their living bodies; the scent of their blood is much stronger." He straddled the branch and continued to scan the vista before him. "I can't actually see the caves; they're hidden by the trees. There are certainly people there, though. Someone's started cooking." Goku's eyes were focused on the far distance. Sanzo looked at him with astonishment. He'd known Goku's senses were sharp but he hadn't expected anything like this.

"I'm going higher. I might be able to see more…hang on…" He climbed higher and then out along a branch, reached for another and swung up onto it. The movement was completely effortless, he climbed, swung, leapt, as easily as he walked. His grace was absolutely mesmerizing. Why had Sanzo not noticed this before? He really was seeing Goku with new eyes and being more and more impressed.

"I can see three youkai and I think, Dougan. I'm not sure if that's all, but there are at least three, plus Dougan. I'm not sure how much magic Dougan has but he could make a difference. I hope we can get him out of there before anything bad happens." He climbed down and then jumped the last ten feet from the lowest branch and landed next to Sanzo. His hood fell back and his hair flew in the wind of his movement, setting back to his shoulders and rippling down his back. His eyes were bright and his face glowed with the pleasure of being useful to the person he loved. Sanzo had to tear his eyes away or he'd have kissed him then and there.

Gojyo grinned. "Well, Chimp, you're certainly earning your keep today!"

"Yeah, I am earning my keep, so don't call me chimp!"

"Awwww…sensitive are we?" Gojyo teased with spurious sympathy.

Sanzo turned on him. "Shut the fuck up, Cockroach! The monkey's been contributing in a big way recently and I'm not going to listen to you putting him down. Shut it, or I'll shut it for you!"

Gojyo sniggered. "So the ice queen's melting, is he? I'm thankful I'm not you, kid. Living with him must be sheer hell."

Goku took a heated breath, ready to leap to Sanzo's defense.

"Now, now…" Hakkai intervened before there was a full scale war "we have work to do. We really need to retrieve Dougan before nightfall. It's going to snow tonight and if I remember rightly he's not the toughest of children. It looks like he's still with the youkai but we can't count on that continuing."

"No," replied Goku quietly "they'll only keep him around as long as he's useful, as long as he has information they want. I hope for his sake that they believe he has more to tell them." He looked very forlorn.

"You seem to have taken this hard, Goku." Hakkai was solicitous.

"Yeah, I feel really bad for him. He loves Sanzo; he's trying to protect him. He honestly thinks I've put Sanzo under some kind of spell. Of course I feel bad for him, he's sick and deluded. I wish I could make it better but nothing I can do will help."

Gojyo tried to joke Goku out of his pensive mood. "Hey kid, you _didn't_ cast a spell on His Highness, did you? He's sure acting differently around you." Gojyo gave him an 'I'm only kidding' grin but Goku was genuinely hurt by the comment, turned away and refused to respond.

"You just don't know when to shut up, do you?" hissed Sanzo furiously at the kappa. "Why can't you just can it and leave him alone?"

Goku leapt back up into the trees and started walking along the branches, rather than on the snowy ground. He didn't think, after being honest about his feelings and getting that particular response that he could be around Gojyo without doing him some serious damage if the kappa opened his stupid mouth again. Besides, from up here he'd be able to see anything they were likely to encounter before it saw them. He stayed as close to Sanzo as the trees would allow, leaping lightly from bough to bough as quietly as he could. With any luck anything they encountered would be focused on whoever was on the ground, giving him the element of surprise and the speed of his jump would make up for his lack of weight. He was officially Sanzo's bodyguard now and he'd use every advantage he had in order to protect him. Sanzo looked up at him, concern in his violet eyes. He understood the effect of Gojyo's words on Goku and it worried him. Goku smiled down at him reassuringly. Goku was annoyed with Gojyo but that was no reason to worry Sanzo. He had enough on his mind.

"Is it my imagination, or is it getting colder?" asked Hakkai, partly to break the tension.

"I think its getting colder, Hakkai. I hope we aren't going to be out here too long." Sanzo shivered and pulled his hood closer about his face. "Are you OK up there, Goku? Come down if the branches start to ice up. We can't risk you slipping."

"I'm OK, Sanzo. It's not icy up here yet and I can see much better."

"Well, don't break your neck, Saru." He gleamed up at the monkey. Goku chuckled, positively dancing along the branches. Sanzo smiled into his hood. It was so easy to make Goku happy, a smile, a word, an affectionate touch. He remembered Goku's touch the night before, the strength of his arms and his voice in the darkness. It worked both ways. Goku made him happy, too. Tonight he would be happy again. Goku would lie in his arms and he would feel that intimacy, that connection again, and he'd know he wasn't alone any more. He was called from his thoughts by Hakkai.

"How far, Goku?" asked the changeling.

"Not far, about half an hour's walk. They had to be camped close to the temple because they had to be able to retreat. Obviously they expected to succeed and not be followed. Let me check and see if any more have shown up…" Goku climbed higher, right into the top of the tree and it swayed under his weight, as the wind caught it. Sanzo suddenly found his heart in his throat but Goku simply rode the wind. He was a monkey, after all and this was second nature to him. He leaned forward so as to get a better view and the branch moved for him as his weight shifted. Sanzo watched him, completely enthralled. Goku's red coat showed up bright against the dark blue clouds, his hood had fallen back and his long hair blew loose in the snowy wind. He was so engrossed that he didn't hear Hakkai step closer.

"Impressive little saru. He seems to have grown up so much in the course of a few days." Hakkai's voice was quiet and friendly.

"He's the same and yet he's not. It's as if there's suddenly more of him. He's blossomed into something more than he was."

"I wonder how far it will go."

"He's reaching for his potential, I've no idea how far he could go but life's very interesting right now. His mind seems to grow as I speak to him."

"We need to consider his education. We aren't training a monkey any more, but educating an intelligent, talented young man. He needs to be part of a class, to get to know how to be around other people without being shy or gauche. He needs to learn to debate and have people respect his intelligence."

"Yeah, you're right. I'll arrange to have him included in one of the classes run for the novices and acolytes. Will you continue with his literature classes? He looks forward to them. There are some things I'd like him to learn that aren't taught here. He needs a more secular education."

"I'll look after that for as long as I can and then look for another tutor for him."

"We need to start paying you, too." Sanzo looked at him with a half-smile.

"There's no need for that. I enjoy teaching him." replied Hakkai.

"I'm glad you enjoy it, but its still work and you should be paid for it. I'll organize it." replied Sanzo, with a finality that would brook no argument from the astonished Hakkai. This would challenge Hakkai, Goku was a young adult now and like Goku, Hakkai deserved recognition. He also needed money, paid teaching experience and a life, post Gonou. Sanzo didn't get on to well with Gojyo but he was glad that Hakkai did. For both their sakes.

"There are five of them now, plus Dougan." Goku climbed down to the branch just above Sanzo's head, crouching, kneeling so they were almost face to face. Goku's hair fell forward, brushing Sanzo's cheek and his eyes were dark amber and huge in the grey, afternoon light. He looked like some tiny marmoset or playful lemur. Sanzo wanted so much to simply raise his arms so that the saru could jump down into them but the others were watching and he didn't want Goku to have to tolerate any more of Gojyo's ribbing. Sanzo would simply tell the kappa to fuck off, but Goku actually cared what Gojyo thought and it would embarrass him. Or maybe Goku would make him proud and claim him and next time Gojyo teased him. "What would you like to do, Sanzo? I think between us we can deal with them without too much difficulty, if it comes down to a fight. Or we could just get Dougan out of there and leave them. Five of them aren't much of a threat to the Temple." Goku smiled at him.

"We need to know if they're under orders, and if so, who's." His tone was decisive and capable but Sanzo found himself distracted by the caress of Goku's hair and the vibrant brightness of his eyes. This was getting ridiculous; Goku's simple proximity was enough to send his mind careening off its axis. Goku's head tilted slightly, questioningly to one side and Sanzo felt something inside him melt.

"So we corner one of them and ask?" Goku asked, hopefully.

"I hope it'll be that easy, little one. If they see you fight they might consider that a persuasive argument."

"You think so?" Goku blinked.

"Yeah, that's what I think." He gave Goku what he hoped was a deadpan look but he obviously wasn't completely successful because Goku twinkled at him before getting back to his feet.

"Then we should go and get Dougan and ask who their boss is before it gets too dark!" Sanzo had filled him with confidence and he was ready to act. He led them from the branches above their heads, watching the clearing ahead and speaking now in hushed tones. Their quarry was sitting down to a meal and now would be the perfect time to attack.

Sanzo could see the glow of their fire now, through the trees, smell cooking meat and hear their voices. His gun was cold in his hand and Goku dropped from the branch above to stand beside him, solid, strong and very, very reassuring. Gojyo and Hakkai stepped close to them. Hakkai was starting to draw in ki and the kappa looked like he was spoiling for a fight. As Sanzo watched, Gojyo glanced at Goku with fierce protectiveness. So that was what the teasing was all about. Gojyo was angry with Dougan for trying to kill Goku and the jokes were actually an effort to be supportive and to hide his concern at the same time. Sanzo intercepted Gojyo's gaze and gave him a half smile. Gojyo's eyes widened momentarily, then he looked back into the clearing, uncertain of how to respond. Goku drew closer to Sanzo, his small hand brushing the sleeve of Sanzo's robe.

"Goku, will you hold them off for me while I go after Dougan?" asked Sanzo.

"Sure. I'll keep between you and them and protect you both."

"I'll be right behind you, Sanzo." said Hakkai.

"And I'll back Goku up." Gojyo chimed in.

"Very well, let's get the kid out of here!" said Sanzo, grimly.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15: Liberties**

Goku charged in first, taking the largest youkai by surprise, bowling him over as he rose to his feet and landing on the barren earth, dangerously close to the fire. Gojyo followed hard on his heels, working with him and protecting him as best he could, striking swift, hard blows with hands and feet. Sanzo and Hakkai were next, making straight for Dougan. Hakkai was careful to keep himself between the youkai and Sanzo, his ki glowing brightly in his hands.

Dougan had begun to be concerned. The youkai leader, Zhao Lin, kept asking for more information about the temple and it's defences, about the Maten, about the abilities of the Temple denizens, about Sanzo, and in particular, about Goku. The tiny demon had terrified them. Dougan had remained hidden during the attack and had been horrified at what he'd witnessed. He'd never seen anything like Goku's skill and speed, had never even imagined it. He'd taken down fully half of the youkai in minutes and they were by no means pushovers. He realized that in his sparring matches with Sanzo, Goku had never shown even a tiny fraction of his power, the matches had been so gentle as to give no indication of his hidden power at all. Goku carefully judged his attacks so as to neither harm, nor humiliate Sanzo. The youkai were annoyed at not having been warned.

Dougan still had plenty to tell them, to help them next time, but with Goku defending the Temple he had no idea how successful they would be and what he believed Goku lacked in brains was amply made up for by Sanzo and Hakkai. The next attack, if they attempted one, would be even less successful because Sanzo and Hakkai would be ready for them. Dougan had no doubt that there would be new defences and plans in place at the temple long before the youkai had recovered. He had to get out of here before the demons realised that he'd outlived his usefulness. He was sure they wouldn't hesitate to kill him when they did.

Then Goku sprang from the cover of the trees, followed closely by Gojyo. Sanzo ran towards him with Hakkai at his side. Dougan sprang to his feet. "Master," he cried "you came for me! I knew you would!" He ran towards Sanzo, who swooped in, picked him up and tossed him over his shoulder. Hakkai downed two of the youkai with ki before they could draw their weapons, leaving them unconscious and a little singed but otherwise unharmed. Goku and Gojyo managed to disable the rest without doing them any serious damage. After all, this was a rescue mission; they weren't here to kill the youkai.

"You idiot! What possessed you to try this?" Sanzo growled at Dougan. He was anything but reassuring. Fury rang in his voice. "Goku! Bring that one with you; he looks like he's the leader!"

"OK, Sanzo!" Goku replied. "Will you tie his hands for me Gojyo? I can't keep him pinned _and_ get the rope!" Goku grinned up at him.

"Sure, Monkey." He fished in Goku's pack for the rope and tied the demon's hands securely behind his back.

"Don't call me that, Cockroach!" replied Goku, on general principles.

"On your feet, you!" Gojyo hauled the unfortunate youkai to his feet. "You're coming back with us. We have a few questions to put to you!"

"You can't hurt me! You're Buddhists, you can't harm living creatures."

"He's a Buddhist." Gojyo jerked his thumb in Sanzo's general direction "Although, not so you'd notice. The rest of us aren't bound by the non-violence, no-hurty thing. We'll be just fine with beating the crap out of you. So when we get you back to the Temple you should sing like a canary, Sunshine. You've seen Goku in action and you tried to kidnap his Sanzo. Not wise. The kid's protective of his Holiness and he doesn't like it when people try and snatch him. Call it professional pride."

The youkai went white beneath his grey skin, swallowed hard and blinked nervously.

"Come on, Goku, we're moving out." Gojyo grabbed the rope trailing from the youkai's wrists and kept a firm hold of it. Goku allowed the two of them to go first and brought up the rear. He smiled as Sanzo looked back at him, over his shoulder. Sanzo stopped and set Dougan on his feet. He looked uncomfortable at touching the boy and the saru wondered what that meant. Was he really uncomfortable when anyone but Goku touched him? Dougan looked disappointed, as if he'd enjoyed being carried. Thinking about it, Goku realised that he probably _had_ enjoyed it. Sanzo had never touched him before and he was so obsessive, no wonder he looked so disappointed. Sanzo left turned on his heel, leaving Dougan with Hakkai and went to join Goku. Dougan trailed after him, Goku smiled at him but Sanzo lit up a cigarette and ignored him.

"Master?" asked Dougan "Thank you for rescuing me. They would certainly have killed me, eventually. They were youkai, after all."

"You're hardly in a position to accuse others of treachery." Replied Sanzo coolly, a drift of cigarette smoke rising from his curled lips. "I would have left you there. It was Goku and Hakkai who insisted we should go and get you, so don't thank me, thank them." He tossed the butt of his cigarette aside and turned his shoulder dismissively.

"But Master, they captured me and said they'd kill me if I didn't give them the information they wanted." Dougan caught at his sleeve and Sanzo shrugged him off, looking down his nose at him.

"I don't believe you." He replied, his voice icy now, any sympathy he may have had was long dead.

"You weren't getting what you wanted, so you took matters into your own hands and enlisted them to help you." They had stopped walking now; Goku standing close to Sanzo, Gojyo, Zhao Lin and Hakkai had pulled back and were standing around them.

"Liar!" Zhao Lin snarled. "You asked to join us, offered us the information in return for our help! You little shit…"

Sanzo fixed Dougan with a terrifyingly cold stare. "You disgust me!"

"Master, you have to believe me! I only want to break that monster's spell over you…" He clutched at Sanzo's arm and Sanzo turned on him, shaking him loose. He wasn't cold now, he was furious.

"Touch me again and I will fillet you." He said flatly.

"Oh Master, you don't mean that…it's just the demon's spell that makes you unkind."

"Unkind? You've never _seen_ unkind!" Sanzo snarled. "Be thankful Goku's forgiven you for your attempts on his life or I swear I'd kill you myself." He leaned into Dougan's face, his teeth bared and his eyes blazing. "Try and harm him again and I'll make you wish you'd never been born!"

Dougan blanched. He'd seen Sanzo cold, dismissive, flippant and angry but this was something different. His energy was almost demonic in its intensity and Dougan feared him as much as he desired him. He found that tension exciting and wondered how far it would be safe to push. His proximity, the fear, the desire were intoxicating and Dougan lost his head. Quickly, before Sanzo could pull away, Dougan leaned closer and kissed him. Sanzo froze for a moment in complete surprise and then bit him. Hard. A split second later Goku hit him away, sending him sprawling in the snow. He closed his eyes for a moment as he hit the ground and when he opened them again with the little youkai sitting on his chest. Goku's golden eyes blazed down at him, narrowed and dangerous. Dougan expected him to lean down and tear out his throat but he just pinned him against the snow and held him still as the others stood around in stunned silence.

Goku broke the silence.

"What do you want me to do, Sanzo?" he asked. Dougan was surprised. He'd expected Goku to act out of jealousy, immediately and violently. He's expected the demon to shed his blood over the snow, but he just sat, watching him warily and waiting for orders. Sanzo didn't answer immediately; he wiped his mouth and spat. He was shaking with rage and glaring at Dougan murderously. It was strange to realize that the priest was actually far more dangerous to him just now, than the demon was.

"Let him up, Saru. He's going to walk back to the Temple on his own two feet and he'll be spending the rest of his time there cleaning the latrines." Goku rose to his feet and Dougan scrambled up.

"It was worth it, Master." Dougan replied, still pushing. He looked at Sanzo from under his eyelashes.

"Do you have a death wish? Or are you just completely stupid?" There was complete contempt in his voice. Dougan may as well have been an insect crushed by his boot. Dougan focused, still pushing.

"You might pretend to be cold but there is fire and passion underneath. I could taste it." Dougan's eyes were avid and hungry.

"Well, you're never going to feel it, you little punk!" Sanzo hit him so hard he went tumbling into the snow again and Sanzo turned and walked off without a backward glance. Goku went with him and Gojyo followed with Zhao Lin, while Hakkai stayed with Dougan, checked that he wasn't injured, then pulled the boy to his feet and made him walk in front of him.

The way home was silent, Sanzo fuming in anger, Goku, concerned and wary, Gojyo and Hakkai, attending to their respective charges. Hakkai did not speak to Dougan at all, he owed Sanzo a vast debt of gratitude and while he knew the monk was 'difficult', he felt that Dougan's behaviour had been completely beyond the pale. He'd been a little surprised that Sanzo had kept his response to a couple of threats and a hefty smack. Hakkai had been expecting the gun to make an appearance at any moment.

Goku was worried. He was angry with Dougan but he didn't want this to go any further. He still felt bad for his rival, though he had no right to kiss Sanzo unless Sanzo had wanted to be kissed. Strange and wonderful though it might seem, it didn't look like Sanzo wanted anyone but Goku kissing him and that thought gave the saru a happy, warm little glow in his chest. Sanzo turned and gave him one of those just-for-Goku-smiles and the warmth became even greater as he smiled back. Sanzo was pleased with him. He was angry, but only with Dougan. Goku made a happy little skip, much to Sanzo's amusement.

Sanzo was calming down. It was hard to stay furious with Goku at his side. The temperature was dropping again and the snow was falling in frequent, intermittent flurries. It was going to be a very cold night with heavy snowfalls and Sanzo wanted to be out of it, sitting with his companions before a warm fire before it arrived. Then, later, there would be a warm and extremely friendly saru in his bed to keep him warm all night long. That was definitely worth getting cold for! Goku had done very well again today and Sanzo was certain now that he'd made the right decision. Recognizing his worth and his abilities had allowed Goku to grow up and accept responsibility.

They'd spent a pleasant evening, strangely enough. Zhao Lin had taken Gojyo's advice and told them what he knew, which wasn't very much. Just that a man called Nii Jienyi, had asked them to get the scripture for him in return for a very large amount of gold. He realised now that Nii had sent them on what he must have known was a wild goose chase in order to find out who was there and what it would take to defeat them. He wasn't happy. Zhao slept under guard in one of the guest rooms and would leave after breakfast.

Gojyo and Hakkai were also still at the temple, there was a veritable blizzard outside so they decided to stay the night. Goku had made up beds in another of the guestrooms and left a blazing fire in the grate.

Dougan was to be kept under guard until the necessary arrangements could be made for him. He was to go to a friend of the abbot's, who was a hermit in the mountains to the south. He'd recently written to the abbot and asked if there was a clever lad among the novices who would be interested in learning what he had to teach. It seemed like the ideal solution.

Sanzo smiled and pulled Goku closer. The youth snuggled happily up to him, sighed with contentment and then pressed a kiss to his throat. Sanzo took Goku's face between his hands and lightly touched his tongue to Goku's lips. Goku opened his mouth eagerly, hungry for more. Goku's response was so warm, sweet and open that Sanzo felt himself melt like chocolate. He wrapped himself around the saru, deepening the kiss. Goku tipped his head right back, allowing Sanzo to explore as he chose. Sanzo gave a strange little sobbing moan as his embrace tightened.

"I love you, Saru." He whispered against Goku's lips and the youth's body stretched against his, arms winding about Sanzo's neck.

"I love you, too." Goku met his eyes. "Don't ever send me away, keep me by you. You light my way." Those topaz eyes were liquid, hypnotic and too beautiful to be natural, and yet they were. There was nobody more natural than Goku. He meant every word he said, he was incapable of dissimulation.

"Saru, I'm beginning to think that's my line. Why would I send you away? If I light your way, you just as surely light mine." Sanzo replied with a rueful smile. "I'm supposed to raising you, providing you with guidance, protecting and caring for you but you do all of that for me, as well. The balance is shifting and fast. I don't just love you, Saru, I'm _in_ love with you and it gets stronger, the nearer you come to being my equal."

A ripple of emotion passed across Goku's eyes, something powerful, loving, primal and wise. Sanzo felt as if he was looking into a benign aspect of the Great Sage. Goku purred and kissed him again and Sanzo felt his passion rise. He _wanted_ Goku but there was no way he was going to do anything about it. Not yet. He pulled back gently, his long fingers stroking through Goku's long, silky hair. He didn't want Goku to feel he was being rejected, that wasn't the case at all. Sanzo smiled; Goku returned it and snuggled close against his side. The wind howled outside as Sanzo turned off the lamp, leaving the room to the warm, red-gold light of the fire, but the wind, the cold and the snow no longer mattered, except to highlight the warmth and security between the walls of the room they shared.

"I'm happy, Sanzo." Goku whispered into the semi-darkness.

"Me too, Saru." He replied.


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16: Everything Possible**

Saiyuki belongs to Minekura Kazuya and the song quoted below, to Fred Small.

Thank you so much for the beta, Kelly!

It was a fortnight later and it was finally safe to travel. Dougan was leaving in the morning and with luch they wouldn't be troubled by him again.

Goku was sitting on the rug in front of the fire in their quarters, a calligraphy brush in hand, paper and an inkstone in front of him. He was doing his homework and Sanzo was watching very quietly from behind his desk. His eyes were uncharacteristically soft and affectionate as they rested on the monkey. He rose quietly and glided towards his companion, his silk robes rustling as he moved. Goku looked up and smiled at him. Sanzo offered him his hand and Goku took it, standing to step over his work and into Sanzo's arms. He wrapped his arms about Sanzo's waist and rested his head against his lover's chest.

"Mmmm…lovely!" murmured Goku blissfully. "I feel so peaceful when you hold me like this." He looked up into Sanzo's eyes, inviting his kiss, should he choose to bestow it. Sanzo did, brushing Goku's lips gently and tenderly with his own.

"I don't know if you realise how wonderful you taste." Sanzo's voice was quiet and gentle, using a tone of voice that only Goku ever heard.

"Good! Maybe it'll encourage you to kiss me again." Goku grinned and Sanzo's arms tightened about him as he leaned in for another kiss, sweet, soft and slow. He savoured Goku, tasted his sweetness and his purity. Kissing him was like drinking from a cool, clear mountain stream after having walked all day, like finding a peach tree in an abandoned garden and eating the sweetest, most savoury peach of one's life, like waking in the morning to realise that spring had arrived and anything was possible. The words of a song that Koumyou used to sing him as a lullaby when he was a child sprang complete to his mind.

You can be anybody you want to be,  
You can love whomever you will  
You can travel any country that your heart leads,  
And know that I will love you still…

He could almost hear his foster father singing it and Goku's kiss has conjured it from the very depths of his memory. Koumyou went on with his song:

You can live by yourself,  
You can gather friends around,  
You can choose one special one,  
But the only measure of your words and your deeds  
Will be the love you leave behind when you're done.

He held Goku close, knowing that this was right and believing now that Koumyou would approve. Many of his fears and doubts dissolved like mist in the morning and he felt deeply connected to his foster father and just as deeply bound to his diminutive, youkai lover.

They were disturbed by someone pounding at the door. Goku drew back, wide eyed.

"Who the hell is that?" Sanzo exclaimed, not at all pleased at the interruption.

"I'll go and find out." replied Goku, heading for the door. He touched Sanzo's hand soothingly as he passed. As soon as he unlatched the door it flew open, knocking Goku back and off his feet. Dougan burst through, stepping over Goku in his haste to reach Sanzo. He flung himself on his knees at Sanzo's feet, his distress obvious. Goku got to his feet, meeting Sanzo's eyes over Dougan's head.

"Master, please don't send me away! I'll do whatever you say, but please don't send me away…" there was desperation in his voice and in his eyes.

"This is best, Dougan. You've has plenty of opportunity to avoid this and you chose to continue your behaviour. I'm not tolerating any more. You leave tomorrow. You should not have come here. I had no desire to see you. Now leave before you try my patience any further." Sanzo's manner was haughty as he turned away. Dougan made a grab for the hem of his robe.

"Don't turn away from me! I love you; it's only the demon who makes you so cruel!"

"I'm 'cruel' because you're sexually harassing me and I don't put up with that sort of shit!" Sanzo turned, his robe swirling about him. "You will get up off your knees and you will leave. You're being ridiculous!" His voice oozed contempt but it just seemed to spur Dougan on. He hurled himself at Sanzo, knocking him off balance and sending them both tumbling onto the rug. Goku was on him before he had time to draw breath, hauling him off Sanzo and tossing him back through the open door. Sanzo stalked across the room to the door and stood over him.

"If you have any intelligence at all, you will return to your room and you will not leave it again until tomorrow. Now go, before I fucking kill you!" Sanzo snarled. He stepped back, slammed the door and turned the key in the lock. He heard Dougan give a little sob on the other side of the door, pick himself up and then his retreating footsteps.

Sanzo sighed heavily as Goku wrapped his arms about his waist and gazed up at him sympathetically.

"You OK?" he asked gently.

"Yeah," replied Sanzo, a little shortly "I just hate this shit!" He returned Goku's embrace. It felt good to hold the one person who truly knew him, who understood and cared for him. Goku saw past his exotic physical appearance and loved the person behind it. That was such a relief. It defused his anger at the stupidity of his fellow human beings, who only judged on appearances and then blamed him when what was inside didn't match what they saw. They saw what they thought was a bodhisattva and what they got was an angry young man. An intelligent, capable, highly competent and very worldly angry young man. Goku saw him, though, and loved him and to his astonishment, Sanzo was finding that he could love the elemental in return. It was changing everything. He still wasn't a huge fan of the world in general but Goku lived there, so he'd learn to tolerate it. He took a deep breath and steadied himself.

"I need a drink." he said, drawing his hand across his eyes.

"Why don't you sit down while I get you one?" suggested Goku helpfully.

"Thank you, Saru…" he sighed, making his way to a chair by the fire, while Goku poured him a drink.

"He'll be gone tomorrow, Sanzo, and that'll be the last we'll see of him." Goku gave Sanzo his drink and then sank down at his feet and leaned his head against Sanzo's knee.

"I know. I just wasn't expecting this latest little foray into mindless stupidity." His voice was bitter but he started to relax as his fingers found their way into Goku's hair. Goku pushed up under his hand like an affectionate cat. He looked up at Sanzo, all long silky hair and huge golden eyes and Sanzo couldn't resist leaning down and kissing him. When he pulled away he found it simply wasn't enough. He put down his drink and lifted the little youkai into his lap. Goku's body stretched sensually against him, his arms winding about Sanzo's neck as he returned the kiss. Passion and energy seemed to thrum through his body, lapping at the edges of Sanzo's ki and spilling over until it wrapped like a cloak about Sanzo's body. He could feel it stirring in his hair and running along his skin, like loving, gentle fingers.

"Sanzo…Sanzo…" Goku whispered against his lips "I _love_ you!" There was a yearning note in his voice that made Sanzo's heart turn over. It would be so easy, so very easy to pick Goku up in his arms, carry him to bed and make love to him. But he couldn't do that; he wouldn't become what he despised. To do so would exploit Goku's love and his trust. Goku must be old enough, strong enough, to do this of his own free will, not allow himself to be carried away by Sanzo's desire. Sanzo had been abused and he would not continue that cycle by abusing the one he loved. If a few months, a year, would enable Goku to walk into this entirely because he wanted to, then it would be more than worth the wait, and ample reward for Sanzo's patience. He would do everything possible to make sure that Goku was healthy and happy, well adjusted and secure. Their sexuality must not be permitted to get in the way. Goku must be certain that Sanzo's love was unconditional and limitless and that sex was to be something that Goku _wanted_, not something that he just accepted because it was expected. The custom at the Temple was the latter rather than the former and Sanzo loathed it. Goku was not going to be another victim of that attitude.

Sanzo just hoped he was strong enough to live up to this. That Goku could come to him for hugs, kisses, love and friendship, that he could lie in Sanzo's arms every night and be certain that Sanzo would allow it to go no further.

"I know you do and I love you just as much!" Sanzo's voice was husky as Goku snuggled closer, curling up safe and comfortable in his lover's embrace. Sanzo's cheek dropped against his hair and they sat like that for a short time, neither speaking, just enjoying the warmth and the sleepy silence.

"The Temple…in some ways it's not healthy, is it?" Goku's voice was quiet in the hushed room.

"What makes you say that, Saru?"

"Well, look at Dougan. Do you think he'd have become that sick if there had been other things to claim his attention? If you could simply have avoided one another? It's as if things can simmer here, like a pot on a stove, until it boils over." Goku frowned. "And then there's the other stuff. The things that go on between the monks and some of the novices and acolytes."

"Has someone been bothering you? Who do I shoot?" Sanzo smiled but found that he was only half joking.

"No, they wouldn't dare! Most of the monks assume I've been your boy from the day you brought me here. None of them would tread on your robes, so I've been mostly excluded from their games. I do wonder what it does to the younger ones, though. It's not like they get to choose, or even like their partners. I know some of the boys despise them and others fear them." Goku looked into his eyes "I'm so glad that the one I love loves me!" His eyes were calm, deep and wise. "I know you're afraid of becoming like them but you aren't capable of that any more than Koumyou was. You're you, not them, and there's nobody even remotely like you. I'm not like anyone else in this temple, either. Sanzo, I'm not lukewarm. I know what I want."

"I know that, Saru, but I don't want you to be forced to be an adult too soon, as I was. Koumyou protected me as a child, nobody laid an unwanted hand on me, but that wasn't the case after his death. I had to look after myself, fend off those who would have hurt me- and I wasn't always able to." He hesitated. It was so difficult to talk about this. Goku was the only person in the world he'd have trusted this far. "I don't want you to have to go through anything that could be even remotely compared to that. Goku was silent for just a moment, allowing Sanzo's words to hover in the warm stillness. Then he took both Sanzo's hands in his own.

"I know that those years were really hard for you, but I don't know any of the details, Sanzo. I'm beginning to think that it was even worse than I feared. If you want to tell me, you can trust me, I won't freak out."

Sanzo kissed the top of his head. "I don't want to trouble you with this, Saru. I'm trying to keep this out of your head, not put it in."

"Who can help you, Sanzo, if not me? Isn't this what friends do for one another? Lovers even more so. Trust me. I'm stronger than I look."

"It's not really that. It's that I'm afraid you won't think as well of me…no that's not quite right. You might not see me in the same way."

"I can't think of anything you could say that would make me love you less. Tell me, Sanzo, and then I'll understand."

He hesitated for a very long moment. "While I was traveling, I stopped at a very small temple, served by a single monk. He made me very welcome, prepared me a bath, cooked me a meal, and gave me clean clothing and a warm bed to sleep in. I was deeply grateful to him but my gratitude obviously wasn't enough. He's slipped a strong sleeping draft into the milk and honey he'd given me before I went to bed. I thought I was just dead tired and drifted off to sleep suspecting nothing at all.

I woke sometime later and he was holding me down. I'd gone to sleep with my hand on my pistol but I couldn't find it. The sutra wasn't by the bed where I'd left it, either. I fought but he was well trained, in good condition and twice my size and being heavily drugged I really didn't stand a chance. He forced me, saying all the time that I was just a bikun whore and he could do as he liked with me because there was nobody to hear if I called for help and nobody would believe me anyway. After all, he went on, it was customary for bikun to earn food and lodging this way. I'd probably done it a hundred times before." Sanzo's lip curled but Goku couldn't tell for certain if his contempt was for the nameless monk or for himself. He snuggled closer and lifted Sanzo's hands to his lips. Sanzo hesitated and looked down at him wonderingly, as if he couldn't believe that after what he'd told him, Goku could respond that way, with such affection, almost reverence.

"I had no real sense of the passage of time at that point." He went on "I think he kept me drugged for some time. I know he…made use of me…several times. I think one of my feet was manacled to the bedstead." He hesitated again, ashamed. "In the end I didn't even manage to escape. A party of pilgrims came through and he was afraid they'd find me and start asking questions, so he tied my hands and feet, loaded me onto his mule, carried me down into the valley, untied me and left me there, along with the gun and my bag. Fortunately, he had no idea what the sutra was, so he left that too." Sanzo came to an exhausted stop. Goku leaned down, picked up his drink and gave it to him. He swallowed it in one draft.

"Sanzo, I'm so sorry…" he nuzzled against Sanzo's throat "I understand what's bothering you now and I wish I could have been there to protect you."

"That's not the point, Saru. There are too many similarities. I never want to be like that. I love you and I never want to hurt you and abuse your trust that way."

"No, _you've_ missed the point." Goku looked up at him; his eyes alight with love and compassion.

"You _couldn't_ do it. He drugged a starving and exhausted boy that he'd taken in and raped him

repeatedly, keeping him drugged to make him manageable. Those are the bones of the story you told me. Where are the similarities to our becoming lovers in the best of good faith? Are you likely to drug me and take me against my will? No. Do you honestly think you could force me to do anything I didn't want to? I'd like to see you try! Do you think I don't want you as much as you want me? My wise and foolish Sanzo, you can't be that naïve! I've loved you from the moment I first saw you!"

"You make it sound so irrational…"

"No! You feel this way because you're a really good person, because you care about me and I'm very grateful for that. It's not about rationality, it's about the way you feel and that doesn't _need_ to be rational." Goku continued. "If you don't feel good about it, then it's not an issue. We wait until you do. I'm not trying to seduce you, to convince you to go against what your heart tells you. We just need to wait until you're happy and comfortable. Sanzo, I love you, I _want_ you to be happy, I want you to be comfortable and at ease with me. The last thing I'd ever want is to be a source of guilt and regret. What lover would do that to the person he loves?"

"When the hell did you get to be so fucking perfect, Saru?" He gathered Goku in and held him tight, as if he was the only stable thing in the world, the only thing he could trust. Goku returned his embrace, clinging close, his body pressed to Sanzo's. He leaned closer and whispered in his lover's ear.

"Come to bed and let me hold you, you're shaking. That must have been hard to talk about. Thank you for being so brave and telling me."

The room was so different since Goku had started to share it with him. It was a place of sanctuary now. His bed was a place where he could hold and be held, where he could speak his mind and his heart, a place of comfort and solace. The fire warmed the room and cast warm red-gold lights on the white walls and bed linen and deepened the reds and golds in the rug that stood before it. Before it had been a monk's cell, luxurious by comparison to some others but Sanzo hadn't cared about comfort or warmth. He was an ascetic and was more likely to inflict hardship upon himself than comfort and ease. Goku was different. He'd been five hundred years locked up in a cold, comfortless prison, alone and friendless. So he loved having a fire in the hearth, soft pillows and warm quilts on the bed and his lover holding him close. Looking into those loving, golden eyes, Sanzo, ascetic though he was, knew that he couldn't deny Goku anything it was within his power to give. Goku broke his chain of thought.

"Do you want to go and see him off tomorrow, so you can be sure he's gone?" asked Goku, as he changed into his night gear.

"Yes, I want to draw a line under his bullshit and I'll be able to do that when I'm sure he's left." Sanzo shrugged out of his robe and pulled his tee shirt over his head.

"We do owe him something, you know, though it's really ironic when you think about it." Goku remarked thoughtfully, tossing a couple more logs on the fire. Sanzo raised an eyebrow. "We might never have spoken unless he'd needled us. We could have gone on for years feeling as we did but never have told one another. By behaving as he did he brought about what he feared. Strange." He slid into bed and held the covers open for Sanzo to join him. Sanzo pulled on his track pants and slipped in beside him. He pulled Goku straight into his arms and held him close.

"How do you feel?" Goku asked, his eyes full of sympathy, his body warm and pliant.

"As if several huge weights have been lifted from me." Sanzo replied. He sighed and then breathed in deeply. "I could never have told anyone but you about what happened to me. I could never have trusted anyone else enough and it's helped, Saru. I might even get over it."

"You'll let me help you?"

"I couldn't do it without you." He smiled as he bore Goku down into the softness of the quilts and pillows.

The morning was cold and snow blew across the courtyard as they watched the luggage being loaded into the car from the concealment of the cloisters. The last thing they wanted was a scene, which would be inevitable if Dougan realised they were there. Dougan was not going alone, the Abbot would accompany him (he wanted to explain matters, at length, to his friend), as well as the driver and a burly young monk, who's presence (it was hoped) would discourage any nonsense on Dougan's part.

Dougan looked cold and dispirited, as if all the fight had been knocked out of him. Sanzo hoped that was the case and they would have no further trouble from him, but there was a vague sense of unease at the back of his mind. Goku, sensing his disquiet, stepped closer, allowing Sanzo to rest an unobtrusive hand on his shoulder. Goku turned his head and smiled up at him.

The engine started and the car pulled away into the grey morning light.

As the car left through the gates, the sun burst through a break in the cloud, washing the courtyard with a beam of clear golden light.

The End

Author's note: Well, this is the end of my story. I _have_ written an epilogue but I can't post it here. You're welcome to come across to my Live Journal and read it. I'll put the link on my info page. Can someone drop me a line and let me know if I'm not supposed to direct people to my NC-17 rated fiction from here? I've tried to contact the admin about this and I haven't received an answer and I'd hate to do anything offensive and find my stories deleted or my account suspended.


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